Friday, March 09, 2007
DOING A MUNNELITA!!!!
Look what was waiting when I got home form work. Sometimes Dh does the nicest things.
Have exercised this week like a madwoman and the scales responded appropriately. The personal training session was intense and fantastic. Thought I would collapse but loved it. The past few nights though I have been extremely hungry but did sensible things like went for a run instead of eating. I was very proud of myself.
Then when I got home yesterday I caved. Just one little thing which then turned into another, and on and on. I am getting a cold, have been having dizzy spells for a few dyas, have broken a tooth so off to dentist today and I am scared of dentists, spent 3 hours with E doing a job application, my house is a mess and I am sick of cleaning it, T broke a new ornament I had just bought!!!! Have a 21st dinner and a 50th to organise and not in the mood....... EXCUSES!!!! SHIT I am soo stupid. Like Munnelita I had excuses, I deserved it after the bad week, after training sooo hard, I can work it off tomorrow etc. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course there was a trigger and I knew it and still gave in. Mum went into hospital Thursday and I agonised over whether to visit her all night. Yestreday I raced out of work and to the hospital, stopping to buy flowers on the way. Got there to see her DH was with her. Told the nurse I couldn't go in and gave her the flowers to give to mum. No way could I be in the same room with that man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is pathetic.
Instead of going back to work I went and did some retail therapy and resisted all food temptations. WHY then did I give in to the food at home that wasn't even nice???
Watched a show on Oprah I had taped and some of the words really hit home. The problems with my mum are easy to answer and rationalise but the healing is very difficult. Ecah time another problem occurs it is like a little murder to my soul. Sounds dramatic but it is exactly how it feels. Each hurt brings back the hurts from the past when I wasn't mothered or loved. Always thought I could cope and it had made me strong but that strength just keeps vanishing.
So yes just feel sooo sad and ate my way through it.
Today is another day though and I have 4 days to reach my own personal goal for the big BDAY! So I am going for a run. Hopefully it burns a few calories and rattles my head back into the mindspace it should be in.
UPDATE; PENANCE 1- Just ran 6km withot stopping. I have never ran more than 4km without stopping and only done that a few times. It helped to have a running partner to talk to and take my mind off the running. And she egged me on to go for 6km. WHOOOHOOOO
Now off to do Penance 2. more later.... Ok just got back and had my haircut. Have been trying to grow it and it always looks a mess with no style so had it cut short again.
Penance 3:- Now I am going to an Abs class. Don't like these so this will definitely be a penance. Also will fill the time until my dentist appointment. Only other option is housework and although I have made a start on that it wouldn't be enough to stop me focusing on dentist drills, and smells and pain..........
OK so dentist was as expected, Had major tooth repair carried out. Actually didn't hurt she is so good but still hated it. Have 2 more visits for other teeth to go. Then final penance, went for a 10km bike ride. Wanted to do more but combination of 33 degree heat, feeling my back burning even though I had slapped on sunscreen and cars bipping as they passed me made me alter the course to a 10km one.
Surely that is now enough punishment to make up for last night??
Posted by michelle ::
11:48 am ::
27 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
