Thursday, November 23, 2006
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE SHORT ONE?
Posted by michelle ::
3:29 pm ::
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Where did the past 10 days go??????????????
The trip to Bendigo was enjoyable and the most exciting part of course was meeting up with Ails and Beck and cute little Bradman. Could have easily spent all day with them instead of just a couple of hours. Wish I could come to the xmas bloggers meet but I have a hens night that goes from 4pm till the early hours of the morning and with events such as pole dancing and a strip show not sure how I could sneak away. Will still try!! I am taking my own car rather than join teh bus which goes from place to place.- partly because of the bloggers meet an dpartly because I will not want tostay at the hens night all ight. Afterall my next tri is the following morning.
Speaking of the tri I am almost as scared as last time. It is only the swim which is the problem. But I went to the pool this week and will do so hopefully a few more times so just have to keep in mind that slow and steady will still get me there. I am going today to do the bike leg of the course to see if there are hills. I find it helps to know what lies ahead. It is abeautiful day here in Mlebourne so the bike ride should be exhilirating. One of the women I met at the last tri is joining me.
My son finished uni this week hopefully forever if he passed all his exams. He is such a stresshead that although he gets honours he claims he may fail! The trains were cancelled for one of his exams and he had to drive to the exam and after 90 minutes panicking in peak hour traffic held up by roadworks he got there 1 minute before the exam started. He is worried that he may have done badly. E has her last 2 exams today. what a reduction in the stress in this house that will make. I can stop studying now, thank goodness because my patience was wearing thin when it came to being asked at 10pm to make up practice tests. I know being an ex teacher has been advantageous to my kids but I am way over it at the moment. They can now both have 2 months off with no study and I can get access to my home office and compute again. YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Tennis also finished this week. We one the semi final by a final deciding tie break. Very close. We lost the final on Tuesday to a far stronger team. We had to play in 36 degree heat so it was quite an exhausting event. I will really miss my tennis over the next few months but am hoping to use the time to catch up with friends.
Posted by michelle ::
3:13 pm ::
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Monday, November 13, 2006
MY RESULTS
Forgot to give my official results.
Here they are;
SWIM 12.05.65
TRANSITION IN BIKE AREA 2.50
CYCLE 30.42.38
transition two UNKNOWN
RUN 14.49.09
TOTAL TIME 1.00.30 ONE HOUR AND 30 SECONDS
I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things she fears to do, provided she keeps doing them until she gets a record of successful experiences behind her.
Posted by michelle ::
10:19 pm ::
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SOME PHOTOS TO SHARE
 
Posted by michelle ::
9:41 pm ::
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I FINISHED AND I AM PROUD OF IT!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I haven't been on to report back and thanks for the encouragement. I have not been able to get near a computer. Exam time here and my kids are stressing out. E took over my home office and although I have planned to wait each night till she has finished as that has been around 11.30pm I was off sleeping off the exercise.
I left home at 5.20am Sunday afetr 2 hours sleep. All night I had worried about whether or not to do it knowing I had not trained. AT 3am it started raining just to add another factor to the terror equation. I drove there and luckily the 3 women I had met the day before were there and greeted me warmly. Set up my bike in the transition area, had my numbers written on and went down to check out the water. Luckily the water was calm. Put on my wet suit and we went in to "warm up" the water was cold but the temp didn't really bother me. There were a lot of first timers so very nervous comments being made which was reassuring. The siren went off and the "young" girls went in. Then 2 minutes later our siren went off and in we went! OMG it was nearly impossible to swim. Everyone thrashing and splashing, a current. Without even getting to the first turn some off us started to panic. I stopped swimming and treaded water and thought about it!! Then took off doing breast stroke. My arms wouldn't move. Slowly got around the turn and the pack of women left me behind. I did back stroke, then tried freestyle then breast stroke. Then the men were coming. I was so frightened. Not of drwoning because my wetsuit has a vest but of not being able to do it. I laid on my back for a while and men passed me,(Hitting and pushing). The lifesaver asked me if I was Ok and I said yes then swam a bit more. Then another lifesaver on a paddle board suggested I rest leaning on his board while the men went past. So I did. It looked so far to the next turn so again I talked to myself; "Did I want to be a quitter and be towed in??" "Maybe." I was really having trouble. But I started again and somehow got around the bouy and to shore. I was so relieved to touch ground but figured I was now definitely last of the womens group as I was surrounded by men. I found out later theer were 2 women behind me)I struggled up the beach and some nice people cheered me on. In transition I had to get changed and then headed out on the bike. I went the wrong way at first, having trouble breathing so my brain was not functioning. The nice ladies team called out to me and I walked my bike to the mounting area. I started riding and it was difficult. Head wind and so discouraged by having trouble swimming. Definitely felt like an idiot as male bikers raced past me. But I talked myself through it and reminded myself my goal was to finish!! But gradually I started enjoying the ride and enjoying what I was doing. 2 hills down I spied a women in front of me. OMG my chance not to be last! I got serious and passed her and then loved the ride even more. And she was only about 26. At the turn I knew I was going to make this as the ride back has a long down hill stretch in the middle and just 1 big hill. I rode back trying to master the gears on the bike and said hello to every volunteer official. They must have thought I was stupid. But I was enjoying it and was thankful they were volunteering so it could run. Also if I am going to be so slow at least I would be nice about it! With the end coming up I got a big confused because we had been instructed that if we didn't dismount in time we would be disqualified. Stopped too soon and stupidly asked if I was allowed to ride through the red light. Of course the roads were barricaded off but as I said my brain was not working. Went into transition and de-biked then started the run, well actually the walk as I was exhausted. I ran some small sections but as no other runners were near me not really motivated as I couldn't catch anyone. I saw the woman coming last riding her bike still so called out some encouragement. By the time I got near the finish line the next event was on and the men were coming out of the water. The official tried to tell me to go where they were going but I called out, "finish line" and he let me turn left. I ran through the finish line , of course and saw the clock said 1 hour 2mins. Stood there gasping for breath and a nice official took of my timing anklet as I certainly could not bend down to do it. They also gave me a spot prize. Guess they felt sorry for me. The other team were waiting for me and congratulated me . I was sooo happy. Had to wait half an hour to get back into the transition area to get our bikes. I didn't have a jacket as mine was there so I was freezing. Chris lent me one of hers. How nice. They asked me to join them for breakfast at the pub which blew me away. Took advantage of the offer, which is unlike me as I am shy, and went to the pub. They had been discussing things and asked me to join them to train for the next one. They plan to still do it as a team but change which leg each one did. I am hoping they email me and the training happens, will have to wait and see. Drove home and rang some people to boast of my athletic success and then once home collapsed into bed where I napped or watched DVDS all day. When the results came on line I eagerly checked them. Can you believe the woman who was at least 9 minutes behind me beat me on the official list because her swim timing said she did the swim in 14 seconds. Obviously an error and should have been at least 10 minutes. So I am last again. BUT and a big but, many of the women who "beat me" only did one leg each so I am stoked. In every leg there were people, men and women who did slower than me. It is just the combined totals obviously from these teams that beat me. Of course I am also way slower at every leg than the majority of competitors but I knew that before I did it , but I was not the slowest at any one leg. Went to kickboxing at 6am Mpnday, of course wearing my triathalon t-shirt to boast, went to gym this morning then had tennis today. Loving exercise at the moment. Of course I am just as terrifed or maybe even more so of the next one in 3 weeks. The swim is the problem. I definitely have to train hard and get some swimming in every week. But that is tomorrows problem.
At the moment I am basking in the fact that "I AM AN ATHLETE." Of course this is said with tongue in cheek but still I am proud of myself. Who would have thought a non swimming, non bike riding, once obese, older woman could finish a triathalon..............It is true dare to dream and one can achieve amazing things.
Posted by michelle ::
8:45 pm ::
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Saturday, November 11, 2006
FIRST I WAS AFRAID NOW I AM PETRIFIED!!
Ok at the last fun run one of the fliers they were giving out was for triathalons. Somewhere lurking in my mind for some time has been the desire to do this. I tried to talk my trainer or one of my training friends into trying but they wouldn't be in it. I jumped on the net and investigated and decided to have a go. There is a series of 4 mini triathalons, one a month starting tomorrow. I thought this was just the challenge I needed to get refocused and perhaps push my body the extra to lose some weight and get fitter. Of course being me there were some obstacles to overcome, being:
I cannot swim more than about 50 metres
I am afraid of swimming in the ocean unless I am wearing a vest and using a snorkle to distract me
I haven't ridden a bike for about 15 years except for 1 short attempt last year. But so what I thought, I can learn.
So out came my daughters old mountain bike and 4 weeks ago I started riding. I couldn't walk after each attempt but gradually increased the distance of my rides. Then the last few weeks things went downhill and I haven't been training at all. Last week I kept procrastinating and setting up for myself reasons why I shouldn't do it. When I went to see the specialist I went for a ride afterwards on the bike leg of the course. I told myself if the hills were not too bad and I could ride it without stopping I would enter. Well although I was very slow I managed it. Of course men riding expensive racing bikes whizzed past me so that was a sign of my riding ability but I did do it. I went to the bike shop and purchased a gel seat then got one of the boys at work to put it on for me. Then the hospital visit and Jills death and my motivation disappeared again. I had planned to go to the swimming pool last weekend and start training for the water leg but didn't bother with all that was happening.
So this week I have thought about it a lot. I want to do it so that I can see what it is like, master my fear and set a time to beat for the next one. I even timed my operation so it is after the next one! The Dr offered the day before but E would have been still at school and I would have been last on the surgeons list so coupled with the triathalon date I chose the following week.
I am motivated by the desire to do something I would never have even dreamed of before I turn 50 next year and by the desire that if, when I have the operation things are bad then I intend to fight it with every part of my body and soul. Sounds melodramatic but the fear of cancer is in my mind and I am determined that I will not give into it. So this is symbolic for me.
However this week I have lost sleep worrying about how I can possibly do this when I have not been training for it. On Thursday night at the spur of the moment I drove to the local pool determined to try to swim the distance. Well I couldn't even do half without stopping. I cannot believe how exhausting it is to swim especially when I have no technique. Tonight I went for another ride because P took pity on me and lent me her bike which is a better one. Thought I better make sure I coudl get on and off it. Well I fell off it and have grazed knees and bruised hands. Turns out when I got home and got Dh to check out the bike I had turned the wheel 360 and the brake cable was twisted. I AM AN IDIOT!! Cannot swim, have trouble riding a bike but I am doing a triathalon!
This afternoon I went over to register. Before I left I was alomost ill worrying about it. I went with much trepidition and picked up my race pack and checked out where the transition areas were. I met some other woman who are doing it for the first time but they are doing 1 leg each. Why didn't I think of that? And one of them is an ex state swimmer and another has been running and riding for years. (and they were scared) Although even if I had I am sure I would have still elected to do it all. These women are going to look out for me in the morning so it will be good to have a friendly face. All the men are working on country jobs and E hasn't been well. As it is exam time she needs to stay in bed not come out at 5.30 am to cheer me on.
But I am terrified of the swim leg. We have been advised that the serious competitors push and shove and even hit in the water!! I will be wearing my wetsuit which has a buoyancy vest as that is the only way I can be safe. I am sure I will look a dag as it is not a triathalon suit but it will stop me drowning. Although I know I can ride the distance and run the distance I know that may not be the case after the swim exhausts me.
My goal is simple- to finish the event, even if I am last! Afterall someone has to come last. (Actually I really don't want to come last so hope there is some little old lady even slower than me.)
Now I am too nervous to go to bed. Think of me in the morning and try not to laugh at the vision.....
Posted by michelle ::
3:35 am ::
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Friday, November 10, 2006
SAD, SAD, SAD
The funeral was beautiful but oh so heart wrenching. Found myself in tears before it even started. When I got there it just hit me how hard it was on Saturday. I feel both privileged to have shared this experience but also haunted by it. All 5 children got up and talked about their mum and that was difficult for them to do but made the funeral very real. This is such a tragedy for these children to lose both their mum and dad. P is blessed to have my DS as support. He has been wonderful to her. It is heart breaking though to see them having to cope with this though. Later this afetrnoon I went over to their house an dwe had a talk and a laugh. P had bought a new outfit for the funeral with Ds help. A white party dress with red shoes and a red shrug. No sad black for this girl. WAY TO GO!!!! She then said she didn't want to take it off as she felt special dressed up for her mum. On Thursdaay night we are going together to see a chick flick. I untend to make sure I do things with her so she still has a sort of mum.
Posted by michelle ::
2:27 am ::
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006
AN UPDATE
-Had a wonderful time visiting Briony in Newcastle for her birthday. She looked amazing and her and her Dh are very talented musically so it was a pleasure to sit and be entertained by them. I felt like a welcome member of her family and really appreciate how welcoming both Briony and her husband were. The trip provided a relaxing beak from my normal routine and it was great fun sharing laughter with a girlfriend. Really wished we lived closer together because outr bonds are strong and we both just seem to "get" each other even with our many differences.
I went for a walk everyday I was away. It is amazing how now my body demands that I do soem exercise. I love going to new places and walking around soaking up what is going on around me.
Once home had some problems with my mother and some hassles at work. Hence the lack of posts. Combined with worrying about my own health problems, motivation has been seriously up and down. Have been maintaining the exercise most days however food consumption is out of control. On the medical front I now have a date for surgery so that is progress.
Any problems I may have been having this year pale in comparison to what has happened this past few days. My DS1 GF's mother has had cancer for 3 years. It was actually diagnosed the same week her husband collapsed and died in front of them all including my DS. She has bravely battled this disease and expectations have been that she would live for another few years. However 4 weeks ago she went into hospital after collapsing at work. This has happened a few times this year so no one really expected her to stay there. I went to visit her on Friday and was shattered to see how downhill she had gone since I last saw her. I spent a few hours with her and talked about our kids, reassuring her that they are happy and in love. Rang my DS who told me the family had been summoned later that day to have a meeting with the DRs. Diagnosis was that they would not be able to do anything else to help her. The next morning P (DS GF) rang me in tears saying she thought her mum was going to die. I talked to her for sometime and then my Dh dropped me in the city to be with her. She had driven in to the city and we didn't want her driving home. I am glad she reached out to me. DS was tied up on a job and if he came in there would still be the problem of her car. That day was a long and harrowing one and extremely heartbreaking. This poor woman has been through so much and here she was bravely farewelling her children and giving them guidance for their future. P alternated between coping magnificently, wiping her mothers brow, holding her hand etc and falling apart in private in my arms in the special lounge provided by the hospital for these times. As the day progressed and we talked and cried P began to accept what was happening. By 9.30 that night though she had been there 12 hrs refusing to eat. I had taken her for a walk in the park which did her a lot of good but the nurse suggested she should go home as they were sure nothing would happen that night. Her uncle arrived planning to sleep the night so we left and I drove her home to DS. I had suggested that he stay home and get a few hours sleep as he might be neede during the night! He had spent a lot of time there this week and was exhausted from both that, work which is very busy and his band having multiple gigs. Unfortunately the hospital is about 70 minutes away. We got home and I made her eat some toast then left. 10 minutes from their house I got the call from DS that Jill had died. I turned around and collected them , then the other sister and we went back to the hospital. The entire family came (5 children.) I tried to stay in the lounge so as not to intrude but eventually P asked for me to come in. Jill was at peace and looked beautiful. She was a courageous woman and a wonderful mother who helped her children face the future without both parents. I helped them to pack up her things and then they asked me to remove their mothers jewellery for them. It was a long sad drive home after that.
Life can be very unfair and the lesson to be learnt is to make the most of the time we have. I hope that if this happens to me I will be just as caring and brave as Jill. She truly exemplified what the word mother means.
Posted by michelle ::
8:21 pm ::
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