Sunday, July 31, 2005
A NEW MONTH A FRESH START
Had a lovely weekend. It was so nice not to feel sick and to feel in control again. Went to DD tennis which finished nice and early, and went to visit DD1 house in the afternoon. With his mate he was digging posts holes for a decking at the front door. Sort of the blind leading the blind. I left him to it and went for a walk. He lives on a new estate and there are lots of walking trails. The sun was shining and I had new places to explore, swamp (lake) suspension bridge, new houses. Loved it. Then I met my DD and her friend and we went to see Monsters_in _law. A good laugh and a feel good movie. The evening was spent with us all in the lounge watching another movie, really dumb one, and I fell asleep for most of it. Sunday saw me lazily doing the housework and playing a computer game. Soccer to watch in the afternoon and ironing in the eevnig followed by BB. How lazy could I be. Didn't do any exercise. Today I decided not to go back to kickboxing till next week. I don't want to risk hurting my leg before tennis tomorrow. Now I am at work, trying to get stuck into it but had to have a blog break. The few blogs I visited were so positive I think we are all going to have a good month. Cannot say it enough but I love you guys. Thanks for all your beautiful words of encouragement.
Posted by michelle ::
4:59 pm ::
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Friday, July 29, 2005
THANKS EVERYONE
Those comments that were left by all my blooger friends were really beautiful and very inspiring. I was having a downer yesterday but I was not meaning to whinge.(overworked, missing my training sessions, house a mess) I was merely trying to admit things about how I feel about myself and deal with it. Accept my feelings and get over them. Like many people I have so many insecurities hence what I wrote. I am becoming more accepting about myself and liking myself more. That was my main goal this year and I need to get those negative feelings out and move on. Thanks again everyone. I think I will print your posts to keep to remind me when I am feeling that way.
BTW I like that miss piggy. She is cute but proud of herself, despite her looks/weight. That is why I related to her.
Anyway I weighed in and despite the lack of exercise lost 1.3. I am sure that is mainly catch up from the week before when I over exercised and from eating very little this week due to feeling ill. I have now lost 14k so am inspired to lose another k to reach the elusive 15k.
The sun is shining and I am now going to tackle the housework, visit my son and I think my DD and her friend and I will have a girls night out at the movies. Have a good weekend everyone.
UPDATE
Brain not working today, must be the thought of that housework (half done by the way) I lost 1.3 so I have lost 14.3 so need to lose.7 to get to mini goal of 15k
Posted by michelle ::
6:28 pm ::
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
LEARNING TO ACCEPT MY LOOKS AND MY BODY
Sometime ago 2 people tagged me and I have never completed it. WHY?
Because I don't think I could think of anything that I like about my body. I don't have great eyes, or great hair and I definitely do not have a great body. I am short and round and flabby and fat!
I looked at myself this morning, when I was dressed. I can see that I look better than when I started this journey in January, but I am still fat and all of me still hangs or sticks out where it shouldn't. Although I am pleased with myself for sticking with my plan for self improvement I think deep down inside I don't really believe it will happen. I think I will always be short, round and fat and saggy!!!
I am also old, well older than many, and maybe that is why it feels so hopeless.
Why didn't I do this years ago?? 3 Years ago I lost 20 k but it only stayed off for a couple of weeks and then came straight back on. I guess that is something I am afraid of. I will lose it and then revert to my old bad ways. Anyway that picture is me. I am a blonde piggy (not even blonde any more either because I keep dying it trying to make myself look better.) I need to accept myself. That is my mission. I need to like me and my body. I am more than the fat person that other people see. Sure this will be helped if I keep losing weight but I know I will never be gorgeous, thin, unsaggy or young. There will always be things about myself that aren't what I would wish for.
That is going to be OK. I will like myself better and I will look after my body so that it can stay as young as possible for as long as possible.
Posted by michelle ::
5:50 pm ::
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I AM AN IDIOT!!
Rested up last night and felt a lot better this morning. My leg was only hurting a little bit. When I got to work I was there on my own. YEH!! Had lots of work to catch up on. By lunchtime feeling bored so put the CD player on and ended up dancing around the office while working. Had all the offices to dance in. Felt really pleased with myself because I felt so much better. Decided to go to tennis tonight. Needed some exercise and the fresh air to blow the cobwebs away. My opposition was 4 15 year olds. experience should triumph you think, Oh no!! They kicked our butts and they didn't even break into a sweat. Whereas I was gasping for breath, coughing and sneezing and now not one but 2 legs hurt, my back hurts and my neck hurts. I hobbled home and came to visit the blogs to find all those lovely messages telling me to look after my injury. Woops!!
But I am feeling determined at the moment and that is a good feeling. I am sure my aches are because I haven't been to my normal training sessions this week due to the flu, or maybe I need a massage. Then again too much time bent over the keyboard! Tomorrow is GST and BAS day and of course end of financial figures must be right so late night coming up. Have a good day tomorrow everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
5:19 am ::
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Monday, July 25, 2005
TENNIS GODS GOT ME
OK Remember how I bragged last week what a tennis champion I was last week? Well played today and those tennis Gods struck me down for my boasting. First of all I shouldn't have played with this rotten cold. But I didn't want to let the team down and it was pouring rain so I was sure it would be a washout. Got a girlfriend in to the office to mind the phones and off I went. Got there and the rain stopped and we had to play, in a gale mind you. Midway through the second game something happened and I seem to have pulled a muscle in my leg. Kept playing and tried to disguise my injury from the other team so that they wouldn't make me run. Problem was I couldn't run without a pain shooting up my leg. We lost that set and I had to then play 2 more sets, which took about 2 hrs. I lost all my sets and we lost the match. Don't know my fellow players well enough to know how they felt about me playing so badly. Guess I won't be the next Australian Tennis champion after all! Then I rushed to work to be faced with the first hurdle, stairs. Up I went and sent my GF home and happy because I paid her and she is looking for a job so needs the experience. I will surprise her with a nice reference to add to her CV. Then realised my glasses were in the car. Hopped down the stairs and back up and now I am not sure how I will get back down them. Won't be jumping any hurdles today that is for sure.
My DD and I are starting to feel better, thanks for your comments. I really should have kept her home another day but she worries so much about the homework piling up. I promised to help her tonight. Last night we were both hopelessly tired. I almost know how AGR feels when she can't run. Guess I won't be doing much exercise this week. I have done 17000 steps today though because of the tennis. Don't think I will be able to do any more today. I am being good with my eating. Luckily not much appetite due to cold. I don't think I will get much work done here today so rest of the week will be really busy..to busy to eat I hope, I will have lots of catchup work to do. Have a good night everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
8:18 pm ::
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
JUST KEEP JUMPING
Well I really missed everyones blogs over the weekend because I was just to sick to go near the computer. My DD gave me her virus last week. (although strictly speaking I started it 2 weeks ago and have just been given it back.) She is really sick poor thing.
I weighed in on Sat morning and had put on 400g. Not too bad considering I had been on hols and overeaten but I was still hoping for something better. Still a 70s girl. Without all that exercise it would have been much worse.Managed to eat my way through weekend feeling miserable and unable to sleep. Went to the show on Sat and it was really enjoyable. Very nostalgic 60s musical. Poor daughter went to soccer because she said she felt better. I didn't go because I was too sick.Had to go get her. She was sitting on the side of the field in the pouring rain. We just got home and she started throwing up. Poor thing had a migrane I think. So after she had a nap we curled up on couch together and watched BB. I made myself not go to kickboxing this morning because I need to get better. Very little exercise I think this week.
I am in office alone for next 4 days but not in mood for working this afternoon so turned to blogs. Thank goodness you people are here when I needed you. Thanks for all your lovely comments. Please don't think I am whinging when I tell you about things going wrong because my life is always chaotic. I am using this journal to let things out but am not constantly seeking affirmation or anything. Don't know if I am making sense. Hope you understand what I am trying to say. I get a lot of pleasure from sharing in other peoples journeys and trying to be supportive. But I would hate to be seen as being needy or a whinger!
Life is what it is and the best way to face the hurdles is to just get on with it and jump when you can, or fall when you cannot. Then pick yourself up and jump again. But, it is really nice to have some people to share it with who don't make judgements and can make me smile and feel less lonely. Thanks everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
9:58 pm ::
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Friday, July 22, 2005
WHAT A DAY!!!
Yseterday was a day I should have stayed in bed. Got up at 5 and went to weight training. Struggled a bit because my cold was worse. When I came home I got my DD up and laid down on the couch. Took her to school and then went home to bed. I decided to go in to work at lunchtime. 45 min later the phone rang. It was my GF from Qld down for the week. I had my weeks mixed up and thought she was coming next week. I arranged to meet her at work as she wanted to see my DH as well. Then I did a little housework and the phone rang again. My DH needed me at work immediately because we were having an accounts problem with our major account. I raced in and had to ring this idiot and argue it out. Basically he didn't want to pay our progress payment because the 2nd boiler wasn't delivered to site yet. It isn't delivered becasue they only gave us the site on 4/7 instead of 4/2 and the concrete slab will be poured next week instead of in March. Admits this and therefore we could by the contract have lodged a variation for a 4 month extension. Instead we are only 2 weeks late. He then had the nerve to tell me we should expedite the building works!! We have a really detailed contract but he wants to make up new conditions!! Had to ring builder and contractors and sort out when slab can be poured and when we can deliver boiler or he will also hold up next months payment. Even though it is his fault for not letting us have access to site on time.
My GF came to visit and that was lovely. But when she left had problems with items oredred and not delivered. These items are needed interstate for the installation. Argued with suppliers to get them delivered today when they should have been delivered last week. Items arrived and they were wrong. Major panic because slab cannot be poured without these going on first. We ended up chasing down parts elsewhere and at 4.40 I had to race over and pick them up before the place closed. Picked my DD up from her work and we came home and both collapsed on couches. We are both suffering from this dreadful cold. Went to bed early and my alarm went off accidently at 5am so here I am blogging. Will go to weigh in this morning to get weight back on record. Tonight I am taking DH to the Crown Casino to see Leader of The Pack. Don't feel like it at the moment though.
EATING
Breakfast 3.5
Lunch 2
Tea 3.5
Snack 1.5
EXERCISE
Fitball weigh training 45minutes Steps total 7500
Posted by michelle ::
1:08 pm ::
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
I HATE WALKING
Went to tennis last night and it was enjoyable. But, by the end of it my neck and shoulders were really hurting. Woke up with the bad cold that everyone else in th efamily has had this week. Had no set exercise but managed to walk a lot at work, up and down stairs. Had a shocker of a day with lots of hassles but inspired by others I stuck to my planned eating. Tonight i was feeling miserable. My house has been really neglected with me being away, working long hours and then spending all my spare time exercising. (Prioritising) Started cleaning out a cupboard but it still is only half done. Funny how half way through surrounded by mess I wondered why I was doing it.
When I took my daughter to soccer I took myself for a walk. Of course it is freezing in Melbourne. It was dark, and I went to an estate I hadn't walked before so it was a bit scary. I ran a little of it, very little, and walked really fast to get back to the car. While I was walking I thought to myself I hate this. Now I don't really(or do I) but on my own this was not the best way to do it and my body is really hurting. Have to get up at 5am for weight training!! I want to weigh in on Sat and hope I haven't gained much, if at all over the last 2 weeks. (9 days bad, 5 days good and what feels like a million steps. )We will see.
EATING
BREAKFAST 4
LUNCH 5.5
TEA 4.5
SNACKS 4
STEPS 12500
Posted by michelle ::
3:17 am ::
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
CHOCOLATE TEDDY BEGGED ME TO EAT IT
Last night when I was very hungry my daughter left out a chocolate teddy biscuit. Now it definitely begged me to eat it. I thought about it and then wrapped it in glad wrap and built it into my food for today. I made that teddy last about 10 minutes and savoured every mouthful. I couldn't disappoint it could I??? Had some groceries delivered and there was a cherry ripe bar as a sample. Then my daughter came home from school with a fundraising box of chocolate bars. I think there is a chocolate conspiracy going on. I am and always have been a chocaholic. Guess I need to be really careful over the next few days. I will DO it!
TODAY
EATING
Breakfast 3.5
Lunch 5.5
Tea 7
Snacks 3
EXERCISE
60 minutes cardio
120 minutes tennis TOTAL STEPS 21200
Posted by michelle ::
5:44 am ::
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
TENNIS CHAMPION!!
This season I have changed teams and clubs for my tennis. I was really worried because I was told yesterday that I had put into Section 4 instead of Section 7. So it was with some trepidation that I went today expecting to get thrashed and then I would feel bad for letting the team down. BUT we won, and I won all three sets.YEH! The first set was even a tie break and went for nearly 80 minutes. I wore my pedometer for the first time at tennis and unbelievably 3 hrs of tennis was 12500 steps. So that will boost me on the challenge. Total steps today 17,000. Made a nice veal stroganoff today but I am still really hungry. Must be all that exercise. I've come on here to read blogs instead of eating. Feels goo dto be back in control. Hope it lasts.
TODAY
EATING
Breakfast 3.5
Lunch 3.5
Dinner 6
Snacks 3.5
EXERCISE
Tennis 3 hrs STEPS TOTAL 17,000
Posted by michelle ::
3:54 am ::
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Monday, July 18, 2005
TIME TO MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!!
Ok now I have had 3 holidays since April and consequently my weight has really just yo-yoed. I am ashamed when I read those peoples blogs who keep losing every week. I need to take stock and stop giving myself permission to eat. The holidays combined with my reaction to Ebonys Hodgens scare and my mum in hospital has meant a poor loss record since April. It is because I stress eat that I am overweight and I have to train myself to react differently. The stress is not going to disappear so I have to change the way I react to it.
So ..
........no more holidays for a long time.
........I will track every day.
........I will exercise every day.
........I will be proud of myself instead of setting myself up for failure. This time , this year I will be successful in my weight loss. Success may not be goal but it will be measured by my steady progress in the right direction.
TODAY
EXERCISE
5am- kick boxing 60 min
9.30 tennis lesson 45 min
rest of the day work but involved lots of stairs Total steps 13600 till now.
EATING
Breakfast 4
Lunch 4
Snacks 4
dinner 7
Posted by michelle ::
12:15 am ::
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
A TEARFUL NIGHT
Last night I went to a fund raiser for Riding With The Disabled. My niece does horse riding with this group and they were putting on a fashion parade. The first little model was a girl with Cerebral Palsy. We were told that no one had ever seen her out of her wheel chair. She wore leg braces and a walking machine. They lifted her onto the cat walk and she walked up and down looking very proud of herself. there were a few more children like this and we were all very touched. I was crying my eyes out. My niece did her catwalk and we were also very proud of her. She was very scared but performed beautifully. At the end of the night they had a disco and we danced with the children. This was an amazing evening and highlighted to me how very fortunate I am that my children are healthy. It also highlighted to me that I should be happy with my life. These children were all so happy. They did not care what they looked like they just were full of joy to be alive. Their parents have to deal with a whole myriad of worries and concerns that we do not. Last night I felt really blessed with what I have and to be able to share in the laughter with these very special children.
Posted by michelle ::
3:17 am ::
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Friday, July 15, 2005
INDULGENCE PLUS!!!
Well I am back from my holiday and it was just so great. I took my daughter to the bus for her ski trip at 3am then packed and went to work for a few hours. A short plane trip and a drive to my friends house and the fun began. We had so much fun catching up an dwent out for a lovely fried dinner at Hogs Breath Cafe. Th enext morning I bounded out of bed and took myself of for a wlak. It was fun to walk in a different area and look at different houses and gardens. You peopel who live in Qld are so lucky you don't have to contend with the freezing colds that we Melbournians have. We went driving through the mountains and found a wonderful cottage for lunch. I felt really guilty leaving my friend because we could have talked for days. She worked for me for15 years and was by my side through many hard times and it was wonderful to see her again. Then I took myself off to meet my blogger friend Kellee. Kellee and her mum and son met me for coffee, thanks Kelle I owe you one. We spent a couple of hours talking and could easily have spent more time together. It was really relaxing and they were so easy to talk to. I think Kellee is a wonderful person with a great sense of humour. She loves being a mum, something I feel too so we were a bit like kindred spirits, the young and the old version of course. And she has lost so much weight and looks so good. I felt a bit ashamed of myself for having a week off. I then drove up north to find my resort hotel. Now the next 3 days were unbelievable. I have never in 23 years had time where the only person I had to consider was myself. Of course I rang and talked to my kids each day but apart from that my time was all mine. I slept when I wanted, ate when I wanted, walked when I wanted. I visited some craft markets and drove around the hills looking at scenery, slept a lot, read 2 novels, walked a lot. It was bliss. I had 2 spa treatments and felt very indulged. Now they were an experience. I booked myself in for a package that included a sugar scrub and a mud wrap. I think I shocked the skinny little therapist when she saw I was a bit larger than normal. You should hav eseen my face when she told me to wear thi stiny little disposabl eG string!!!I was embarassed too but let myself just enjoy it all. I thought, well I will never see her again so just let it hang out and relaxed. It was incredible. The next day I had a massage with a more normal sized masseuse and that was also wonderful. Of course I overate but I knew I would. I am not going near those scales this week and will just be happy as long as I get back on track and as others have said back to basics. I will definitely be doing something like this again in the future. I did a lot of thinking and it was OK to be me! Something I never used to feel.
I missed everyones blog but will be catching up over the next few days. Have a good weekend everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
7:59 pm ::
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
MY INDULGENCE
Sory I didn't post yeterday but I came down with a terrible cold and spent the day feeling sorry for myself, accompanied by lots of eating. Some people can't eat when they get sick but it has the opposite effect on me. My resistance lowers and I try to make myself feel better with food. Took my daughter to school at 3.30am and then came home to pack. I am leaving this morning for 5 days in Queensland. When my DD decided to go on the ski trip I thought , hmm, free for 5 days so I booked this trip. I don't have to be a mum/wife/boss. You know I love being a mum but cannot remember when I had time without the demands of looking after someone else. My manager retired to Qld 18mths ago. She worked for me for 15 years and I miss her terribly. So I rang her and on a night when there was an airfare sale bought the tickets. Now my DH thinks this is very bad of me because as it turns out he lef tthis weekend for our country job and I am supposed to run the office. I asked my DS to help and he said yes then he has been called away to the country job as well. Of course the guilts set in but with a lot of soul searching last week and yesterday I did not give in. I can be contacted by mobile so my office girl will manage...I hope. I will go in there this morning todo th epayroll an dthen go straight to the airport.
When I began this journey this year it was not just about weight loss. It was about finding a me that I could be happier with. I was very depressed and miserable and realised that I had to start looking after myself. So as I said to my DH if I want to do something and it is not hurting anyone then I will do it. I am having one night with my friend and then 3 nights at a resort with a health spa. I plan on lots of walking, facials, massages, good food, good book and lots of time just for me. Hence lots of indulgence. I knowI will not diet and will gain but with the week I have planned thats OK. I can get back into it next week.
An added bonus is that one of my blog friends lives up there so I will get to meet her. Can't wait as she has been very supportive.
I don't know if I will get near a computer, I hope so but you all be good and have a good week.
Posted by michelle ::
2:51 pm ::
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Friday, July 08, 2005
WEIGH IN
Well I went to weigh in and I lost 300 grams bringing my total to 13.4. Of course I would have liked a bigger weight loss but considering my trip away, stress eating after the accident and being sick, oh yeh and the fact that I did not go to my training group for the last 12 days, it was very good. I need to recognise when I am being good and accept the not times. I do have them and that is me and my journey. As long as I get back into it, which I did with a vengeance this week. Not going to training was not good but I was just too tired and working such long hours. At least I joined the walking challenge and did about 11,000 steps each day. Today I have work and shopping for my DD ski trip, again, and an engagement party tonight. Have to go now but I will post properly tomorrow telling you about my special week I am having next week. Have a great day.
Posted by michelle ::
5:14 pm ::
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
INCENTIVE TO SEW
Last night I finally hunted through the cobwebs of those cupboards that never see daylight and found my sewing machine. Now this machine has not seen the light of day for 3 years. It has now been centred on my kitchen table for urgently needed alterations. Yes my pants were too big. I wear a lot of pull on straight leg pants to work (in a collection of sizes) but on Wed one pair were almost falling down. So now they are 2 inches smaller. YEH!!!!! I am wearing them today and they are not tight, I hope next month I will need to take them in again.
I know I will not lose weight or not much th sweek due to my gain at the snow and the weekend but I am smaller, I can tell, and I feel really good about it.
On the cooking front, I did not get to peruse Slim Suzys recipes so I made up a couple of my own, and shock horror, didn't burn anything. I made Veal Stroganoff and Chutney noodles...YUMMY!! Over the weekend I will read Suzys and start trying some of them. Feel much better about my culinary efforts managing to make them and not set fire to anything.
I lost my drivers licence last week so had to go and get another one at Vic Roads yesterday. We had to go there to sort out registration details fo rmy sons new car!! Tried to make myself look slimmer for the photo. When I got there they said they would recall my old photo which I thought was one from 4 years ago when I was slimmer than now. (for a very short time when I went to Europe) Anyway they gave it to me and I thought ..yuck, am I/ was I that fat? Then while driving along it clicked. I took out my Boat Licence taken in Dec, before I started this journey. They had used that photo. So now I have a permanent reminder of where I was in Dec, round fat face. I can see the difference and I am not going back there.
Now like everyone else is finding I need to get stuck back into work. Have a good day all of you.
Posted by michelle ::
4:36 pm ::
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
WHAT A DAY!!!
Yesterday was the sort of day I just should not have got out of bed for. Couldn't go to training because I had to whizz into work at 5am. Problems with computer at work and a program was needed urgently. After fixing that problem my DH left with 4 semi trailers and cranes to transport our product interstate. He will be working away for the next 8 weeks..coming back each week..a 4 hr drive each way. So I am left to manage the company. We had a dispute this week with one of our clients of 20 years. They have given the major portion of our work to a competitor but want us to keep doing the problem solving/ breakdown work. On Tuesday we cancelled our contract with them. We have never done that but my DH said it was ethically wrong and he had enough of them. He is very disappointed because he always has been good to them and got them out of trouble in the middle of the night many times. He even designed a system that is not used anywherer else in Australia and saves them a fortune in fuel. But a new GM came in last year and they have been reducing our work ever since. So yesterday they kept ringing up trying to get us to rush over there to fix something the competitor couldn't. Then I went home at 3 and took my work home. Loaded my files on at home and I was missing a key component so couldn't work on them. Had words with my teenage DD over helping with the housework Started cooking tea and work rang to say we were now having a problem at the site our products were being delivered to. The site locked the trucks out because they were not all there. No-one was allowed in unless they all went in together. Now one of these trucks is so big it fills the road and can only go a very long route to get to the only bridge that can carry them across the river. So 2 trucks and 8 men standing around for 4 hrs. Also for unloading which requires gigantic cranes they need to do one at a time. Then they said they couldn't come in if they couldn't all get unloaded by 5pm. Then they couldn't come in because no one had logged our insurance details into their computer. So from home at 4.45 I am trying to direct my office girl to the insurance certificates and get them refaxed through. The trucks after arguing by my DH were allowed in but only partly unloaded. So we have to put the men into a hotel overnight. The truckies are mad because they have to be back for another job today..probably will cost us about $10,000. Then they are behind on what has to happen today. I burnt my tea during one if the calls. Then I had words with my DS over buying his new car today, has to be today!! and burnt the bacon I decided to make a bacon sandwich with. Needless to say I couldn't sleep last night. Have to get into work now to sort out todays problems! Sometimes I wonder about whether having our own business is worth it. AT least I didn't eat my way through the day.. couldn't I kept burning it.
Posted by michelle ::
2:14 pm ::
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
FAT MYTHS
Went in to work a little bit late today because Dr Phil was on and he was speaking to some obese women. He quoted 5 myths about fat people. Here they are with my responses;
1. Fat people do not know they are fat! I KNOW I am fat.
2. Fat people are lazy or slow. I am NOT lazy or slow. I have always worked and also done a lot of voluntary work over many years. I am intelligent and only slow at running.
3. Fat people eat too much. Guilty I do eat too much.
4. Fat people are always hungry. I am NOT always hungry. I recognise that it is not always hunger that makes me eat, other factors are, boredom, stress, need for comfort, enjoyment.
5. Fat people are always unhappy about being fat. Well I am unhappy about being fat but I think I was unhappy and that helped to make me fat. I know that being slim would not make me happier but it would help to raise my body image and my self esteem.
Body Image and Self image are entwined. Being overweight does leave me with a sense of failure and shame. That is why I will succeed this time. No matter how many times I slip up I will get back on track. The journey may be slow at times but I will continue it because I deserve to feel better about myself.
On a lighter note: What blonde bimbo, snowed down with end of financial year problems, and feeling sick, set fire to a mug of homemade vegetable soup in the microwave today. I even watched it and the smoke pouring out before it registered and I opened the door to see flames everywhere. Just one of many blonde moments today!
Posted by michelle ::
5:16 am ::
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
MONDAYS ARE SUCH A DRAG
Well so far today I have managed to drag myself back on to the right track and found some control over my eating. Have a killer of a headache which I am sure is just from sugar withdrawal. I will not be able to get to weigh in till the end of the week so hopefully I can minimise the damage. It helped being back at work and keeping busy, now I just have to get through the evening.
Thanks everyone for your kind words re the accident. Of course the main thing was that he wasn't seriously hurt. The boys have now gone car shopping. Even in this little time it has been hard to drive him everywhere. He has two part time jobs no where near public transport. I think he will get a car this week. He doesn't really want to spend any money. He is quite a little miser and is moaning about having to spend a years savings!
Did anyone watch the Live 8 concert/ it brought m eto tears last night especially when they said that every 3 seconds a child dies. We are so very fortunate in Australia and really do take it for granted. I watched soem of th emothers holding their starving children andreally could not comprehend the pain they must be in. Puts our troubles with weight into a bit of perspective doesn't it?
Posted by michelle ::
11:57 pm ::
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
Picture me with this view singing along to Robbie Williams 
Posted by michelle ::
6:19 am ::
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Another picture of the very lucky car crash survivors
Posted by michelle ::
6:17 am ::
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My son and his girlfriend. They are actually very goodlooking behind the goggles.
Posted by michelle ::
6:14 am ::
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I'M BACk AND WAY OFF TRACK
Well hi everyone. I had a wonderful few days away with my children. We went to the caravan..it was absolutely freezing. On the Wednesday we got up at 5am and piled into the car and headed up the mountain. Once the sun came up we found to our delight that it was a beautiful day. I had to actually go back to the car with a load of jumpers and scarves because we were too hot. I spent the day going up on the lifts with the kids and then walking down the mountain while they honed their snowboarding skills. Then I ended up riding the lifts down because they were too fast for me. I had my MP3 player on and being on the downward lifts on my own I sang and enjoyed the magnificent views. I didn't go snowboarding because the kids were having so much fun I didn't want to take their snowboard from them. Also my son told me that the snow was very hard..as it hadn't snowed for a week. I realised I had this unusual feeling for me and it was contentment. Away from the worries with my mum, and work and yes away from my DH and enjoying seeing my 3 beautiful children loving life together I was very content. It was a day I will never forget. We then had a lovely BBQ back at the caravan and went to bed early. The next morning I stayed back to give the caravan a spring clean. It was pouring rain and not a day for spectators on the mountain. I cleaned and went back to bed with a novel..what bliss.. and yes with some violet crumbles!! I overate a bit but had been so good all week. I actually even felt skinny that morning.
Then I met them and we drove home.
At about 6pm I received a call that all mothers fear. My youngest son "mum I've had an accident." I asked if he was allright and if his GF was allright ? He said yes and his voice was very shaky. I was about 20 minutes behind him. I rang my eldest son who was about 5 minutes ahead of me. That was such a long drive. He told me he was on a certain road but I had neglected to ask which part and it was a very long road. Eventually we saw the flashing lights, police cars and fire engines and I was so frightened. We pulled into a side street and I ran up to see my two sons together . My eldest was taking charge and collecting insurance details. The GF was crying and police were everywhere. It is a very busy road and at peak hour the accident was very dangerous. The two cars were locked together and both looking very wrecked. My son as it turns out had done nothing wrong but was driving along the main road when the other driver pulled out across two lanes of traffic to make a right hand turn straight into Trenton. Luckily he was only doing about 40k because of the traffic. She went through a stop sign. They were all very lucky not to be seriously hurt. My son was seriously shaken as was his GF. I rang her mum and reassured her and then we had to wait about an hour for the tow truck. There were people coming up and taking photos of the cars..how bad is that. The other driver left without even coming over and saying sorry!! Then I drove everyone home. my son got really angry when I told him his car was probably a write off. He was so upset about how unfair it will be that he didn't do anything wrong but he will lose his car. He is insured but the value he will get won't be what the car is worth. He has just had a lot of work done to it. He insists that he does not want to be forced to buy another car!! Oh what a hard lesson to learn that life is not always fair. Then on Friday I had to take him to the Dr and physio because he has severe whiplash. I was supposed to be at work at 2pm to relieve the receptionist who leaves early on Fridays but we had to go and get XRAys and so I couldn't. I had her divert the phones to my mobile, something my DH hates. but I also had to drive my daughter to work because originally my son was going to do that. Then my son and I had words because he is so cranky he hasn't got a car and was feeling sorry for himself. Luckily he had some mates come over in the evening to watch footy and have a few drinks so he is a bit happier today. Of course we ate takeaway for every meal and since then I have not stopped eating. My daughter made some lovely chocolate spiders and we hired movies and bought more garbage for eating today. I am trying to psyche myself back into the right diet track for tomorrow but in all honesty it will more likely be Monday when I get back to the routine of work. Food is always a comfort for me and this has shook me up. I know we were very lucky and could have been visiting him in hospital but still it was a scare and I feel helpless that I cannot make it better for him. I am probably using that as an excuse but its how I feel. As long as I do get back on track on Monday. I copied this from Marys blog as it seemed to apply to me today.
"Why do we fall sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up". That seems to be what I am learning with help from you bloggers..to pick myself back up. thanks guys.
Posted by michelle ::
3:44 am ::
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