Tuesday, February 28, 2006
WITH EINSTEIN ON OUR SIDE WE CANNOT FAIL.
Posted by michelle ::
6:01 pm ::
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IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME
Had a good day yesterday. Started the day right with a 30 minute walk around the block at 6am. Definitely had to talk myself into it but felt good when it was done. Played tennis and was absolutely thrashed but enjoyed the exercsie and the sunshine and lots of laughter. Then did some work and squeezed in a 60 min walk in the late afternoon before picking up DD from work. Rushed to WW and talked to the leader. Now this leader is excellent but I have been unable to go to her metings since early last year. I have just been weighing in and leaving before the meetings on another day where the leader is very uninspirational. I actually went up to this leader last night and said "help" We had a quick talk. She remembered that I do lots of exercise and asked me what has changed? I admitted that the stresses of life are the same but holidays, special occassions etc contributed to my gain. Also that I am not as desperate anymore to lose weight because I feel better about my body. She said I had become complacent and that is common. Amazingly she also remembered that I do not eat enough until I then break out and told me to eat more each day on the "good" days so I don't snap on the "bad" days. I promised to go and stay for the meeting next week as I couldn't stay last night.
I have given this a lot of thought. I may be happier with my body now than a year ago but I do not want to gain it back and I do want to lose much more. So as the title says it is up to me. I have to stop using excuses and do what needs to be done.
So back to basics it is and that goes for food, exercise and most importantly attitude!!!!
I also owe an apology to my "friends" who emailed me last week offering support. I haven't replied because my head was in a bad place and time on the computer was very limited. Thankyou though it really did help snap me out of my doldrums.
Posted by michelle ::
4:55 pm ::
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Monday, February 27, 2006
Don't Delay Do It Today!!
Trying to adapt this as my motto for each and every day this week. I need to refocus on my weight loss. To that end each day is important. It seems since my holiday last Dec my efforts have been for only some of the days. I have been able to put 100% in 4 or 5 days a week and then blow it the other 2-3 days. Then in the past few weeks the ratio seemed to become reversed. So baby steps, day by day but everyday are what I need to do. I am finally going to take my ticker down because it has not been accurate this year and I have conveniently ignored it.
So Steps So far THIS WEEK:
MONDAY;
EXERCISE:60 min kickboxing, 40 min tennis lesson, 30 min run/walk
FOOD: 24 points, not good but not "bad" food either
WATER: 3 bottles
STEPS: 18000
CHALLENGES I HAVE SET MYSELF
SAT: Boot Camp
SUN: 8km walk/run for the Cancer Foundation with my sister.
GO TO WW tonight and weigh in to get the gain out of the way and put it behind me.....DO I dare do this. I keep telling myself I will go back when I have lost the excess but the excess keeps getting bigger. So yes I will go and weigh in tonight!
Posted by michelle ::
12:23 pm ::
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
Thanks everyone
Hi guys sorry I haven't been around or replied to the messages of concern. Two weeks since I blogged has just flown. Since our wonderful Sydney meet life has been out of control. I have literally been working night and day, just coming home in between for school pick ups and a bit of dinner. (usually take away)Finishing at about midnight on most nights. Have not had time to go on internet as I could not afford the distraction and the time required. Time has become a very scarce commodity here and what little there is has been needed in being a mum. I have browsed all your blogs ocassionally to make sure you are all doing OK. Over tiredness and overwork resulted in my not coping very well. Have had some problems at home and some ongoing problems at work. One of my DS is having some personal problems and it make me feel helpless. It was much easier to fix things for him when he was young. DD had her beautiful hair cut off and hates it so lots of moaning and groaning about that as well as the endless hours of homework she is snowed under with -she is not a cheerful person at the moment. Stress levels have beeen very high and I have developed a "don't care " attitude to my eating. Motivation has completely disappeared. Not sure why my brain has decided eating every piece of junk I can find will help but that is what has been happening. Tried to explain to DH that I was not doing well and his comment was that I was fine because I had lost so much weight already. Doesn't get that I could easily put it back on. Will attempt to get back into things and find my way again next week.
Have had a few good times. Last Friday my DS1 had his first "gig" at a local pub. We packed the tiny pub and it was a very proud mum who watched his band perform. I loved seeing him so happy with what he was doing. DD is in a tennis Grand Final in the morning so fingers crossed that she plays well. DD and I have also taken up scrapbooking and have found the few times we have done it very relaxing. We will be having a session with scrapbooking friends tonight so I am looking forward to that.
On Sun I start my training for the 14.7km walk /run in April so I am using that to try to kick my head back into the right attitude. Wish me luck that I survive the training and then get back in the right frame of mind. I promise to report back in on Monday and need you all to get on my back literally about my out of control eating.
Posted by michelle ::
2:22 pm ::
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Monday, February 13, 2006
VALENTINES DAY
Today is a special day but not for the usual reasons. My father died on Valentines day in my arms 14 years ago. His middle name was Valentine. So on this day there are both good and bad feelings. Memories that are always there but sometimes pushed down deep come to the surface. Not a day for celebration but a day for reflection. My daughter asked me last night "was he your real dad?" The reason for this question is that I was blessed with two fathers. This was my step father but never did I think of him that way. I had 2 dads, one I lived with who brought me up and one I saw occassionally. My "technically" dad (who I also loved)died when I was 16 and it was announced by a visit from the police at midnight. My second dad was there through that as well as through my marriage, my pregnancies and lots more. With an incredible generosity of spirit he had allowed my real dad to visit whenever he was sober. He went and picked him up and drove him home and accepted him as part of our family. He delighted when I had children particularly when there was a granddaughter for him to dote on. The last 3 years of his life were made extra special because he was able to spend a lot of time with her. I loved "my dad" and grew even closer to him as an adult. I nursed him through his cancer and this meant he could die at home where he wanted. I was fortunate because I got to spend many endless nights at his bedside where I could talk to him and let him know how much he was loved.I miss him terribly and just wish my children had known him more. He was the epitomy of a gentleman and was the perfect role model for what a man should be.
This man made an indelible imprint on my soul and definitely moulded the better side of me. He was kind and caring and tolerant and love and family were the reason for his very being...a truly gentle man...........
These were my dads favourite flowers. He loved gardening and planted some in my garden..............Each year when they bloom I have a smile remembering the joy he found in the garden and feel very close to him when I am tending the plants he loved.
Posted by michelle ::
9:48 pm ::
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Saturday, February 11, 2006
FRIENDS COME IN ALL SIZES 
Posted by michelle ::
9:02 pm ::
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SYDNEY AND COURAGE
Yesterday was a very special day and I flew to Sydney to meet up with fellow bloggers; M, Linda, Jodie, Mary, Julie and CKK. Up at 5am to catch an early plane I ventured off into the unknown. From the airport I caught a train to Wynyard, (armed with detailed and clear instructions from M). There I was met by Linda and Margaret. We set off and began our marathon walk around the heart of Sydney. First we hit the local markets, then around the Rocks, and on to the Sydney Opera House where we RAN up the stairs simply because we can. A lovely woman took our photo. As you can see I felt like I was in the Land of The Giants. I am definitely a midget! We then had to race, literally for me as my stride is half that of M’s, to the Harbour where we met the others for lunch. The girls had chosen a lovely Asian restaurant and we all enjoyed our meal with much talking and laughter. Dessert was of course a healthy option of fruit and a small serve of ice cream. (well ok there was ½ a strawberry and lots of ice cream)The waiter took a lovely photo of us which I think Jodie will publish later this week. After lunch like all good weight watchers we then tried to walk it off. It was a beautiful sunny day and we watched the Dragon Race finals, children frolicking in the splash pools and then some ventured onto the paddle boats where ramming seemed to be the objective. All good exercise. Marys’ BF, Dan joined us for a while (what a gorgeous man Mary) and we then started to say our goodbyes and go to separate destinations. M, Linda and I went to a beautiful old building to help M select a dress for an upcoming wedding. Lots of laughter and window shopping. Then I caught my train back to the airport, my plane home, followed by a long drive and arrived home very weary at about 10pm. This was a very memorable day and one I will file carefully in my magic memory file.
It is one thing to blog anonymously with people, to bare ones soul, to write things you would never dream of saying in person but then to remove that anonymity is a very brave thing to do. (for me anyway). This was way out of my comfort zone and very risky. I was extremely nervous ( and I am sure some of the others were to) Silly and childish thoughts coming from my own insecurities were in my foolish head. What if they don’t like me? What if I am too old to relate to them? What if I bore them etc. I could not believe that I was getting on a plane to meet new people. BUT this journey has not just been about weight loss. It has been about making many changes to myself. I am and have always been very shy and found it very difficult to relate to people I do not know well. I do not trust easily or make friends easily. I want relationships where I can be the giver and don’t dare to be the taker. I have never been one to open up and share the real me with people for fear of being judged or not liked. But here I am throwing myself at people ..or so it seems at times.
So I did this just as in the past 12 months I have done many new and brave things. Just as I hope I will continue to do. I don’t want to stagnate, I don’t want to be lonely because I don’t reach out. I want to be open and trusting and then what will be will be. I will make new friends and in some cases I won’t. I will find people that I can relate to and some I can’t. I will continue to support those in this special blogging community who want my support and I know they will continue to support me. I will continue to take risks and it will be worth it.
So in conclusion a big thankyou to M for organizing this day and a big thankyou to all who came. We were and are a very special group of women and we were, and deserve to be, proud of ourselves (and I don’t mean for our weight loss but for our generous and open souls.
Posted by michelle ::
8:52 pm ::
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Wednesday, February 08, 2006
THANKS FOR THE HELP
Thanks everyone for the offers of help and thanks M for sending me the codes. The weird thing is that what I was having trouble doing at home works here on computer at work. My links were invisible at home but appear here. Anyway I will be able to use M's codes and add my friends to my page but may not get time to do it till next week. Life is a wee bit hectic this week. All I can say is that the one set of tennis on Tuesday was a definite hi point for the week. Luckily I have Sat to look forward to to help keep me sane. I need to get stuck into some work so may not be able to blog much for next couple of days. Hope you all have days filled with motivation, contentment, love, exercise...and no chocolate, (unless you intend sharing with me and then it doesn't count)
Posted by michelle ::
5:01 pm ::
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Tuesday, February 07, 2006
NEW BLOGS
Having trouble getting the links to show and work so this new blog is very much still a Work In Progress. May need to ask for some help...
Posted by michelle ::
5:36 am ::
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ANNA WATCH OUT!
Started the day in a bad way wondering whether I should have gotten out of bed. Long night spent watching the clock worrying about things I cannot control. After taking E to school did a bit of blogging then raced out the door to tennis. Forgot my mobile phone (supposed to be on call) forgot to take my tablets, and wearing a new bra too small (cutting off my circulation) Blast those variations in sizes between bras. However I was wearing my new tennis outfit! Bought this on sale last year but would not allow myself to wear it till I lost more weight. Well in my weakened state this morning I succumbed. The old tennis outfit is way too big and looks terrible.
On arriving at tennis I was told I had lost more weight. Well who was I to argue (with someone older and wiser than me) I accepted the compliment graciously even though technically I have not. However I figure if this new fitted outfit makes me look slimmer then that is good enough.
Then I have to tell you how I played. I ran every shot down, won volley rallies, served aces, etc. The crowd cheered, (maybe it was the kookaburras laughing) We giggled and patted ourselves on the back. So obviously Anna has something to worry about. With my skill and looks in my new outfit (and we are both blonde) I am obviously in the running as new pinup girl for tennis. (I can dream can’t I?)
Now I haven’t, and won’t, tell you about the other 2 sets I played, and lost, the shots I missed and the fact that we lost the match. So don’t tell Anna OK?
Posted by michelle ::
2:19 am ::
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Sunday, February 05, 2006
EXERCISE IS EXHAUSTING
Hi everyone,
Had a wonderful but exhausting weekend. On Sat after completing my time trial E had tennis. (which she won)We then went shopping for scrap book supplies. Home to lots of housework and helping E with schoolwork. Then off to dinner. The restaurant had lost power so the cooks were cooking by candle light on gas stoves. No air con working and just dim lights. The meal was delicious and they gave me half my main to take home in a doggy bag! Had to leave room for the incredible banana caramel crepes. Note the dessert was a fruit option so very few points.(I wish)
On Sunday got up at 6am to start cleaning out the garage as we have hard rubbish collection next week. Then when Dh got up at 8am we started the tip runs. 2 weeks ago we had severe storms and as a result had many trees down. These needed to be chopped and dragged to the tip. One of them was 30 ft high!! This one has been chopped partly down now so it cannot fall on the neighbours fence but we will have to finish it another day. We squeezed in a session at the gym. I really didn't want to go but needed to encourage Dh so off we went. After more tip runs, more helping E with school work and then tried to get an early night.
This morning up at 5am to go to kickboxing where I discovered I have a sore hamstring and a very sore back. Shouldn't lift logs that are bigger than me!!! AT least it meant the trainer let me do less running! Grabbed some groceries on the way home then spoilt my kids with a cooked breakfast. After the school run went and had a tennis lesson..My hammy is not as sore now so hope I did some good and not damage to it. The back on the other hand is not great. Tonight I have promised to go with the men in the family to boxing. I have to go because I am trying to get them into exercise. If I don't they will pike out as well.
So here I go again madly committing to over exercising.. I am very motivated at the moment. Firstly because next Sat I am going to Sydney for the bloggers meet. I need to lose a bit to be able to wear sz 12 pants. Such vanity!!! Secondly I am determined to complete the fun run in April and so need to get as fit as possible. Also I always seem to be an all or nothing person with exercise and have had my "nothing " periods over the past two months so now is my "all" period. Lets hope it lasts a long while.
Posted by michelle ::
4:53 pm ::
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Friday, February 03, 2006
Slayed the dragon
Last night went better than expected so I feel like I have sleighed the dragon that has been tormenting me for some time..or at least it will lay low till the next battle!!Thanks for the supportive comments.
Afterwards I got on the trampoline for a workout which was a much better way to deal with the stress than eating. So exercise for yesterday was 60 minutes weight class, 15 min trampoline.
At training yesterday the trainer told me I had to go today and do my time trials. I said no way. I am so sore from getting back into the gym this week after a 10 day break. Also I haven't been training with running since I went to NZ except for an odd spurt....And had to be at Es tennis at 8am. Lots of excuses....Thought about it during the night when I wasn't sleeping and got up at 5am and off I went. The trainer had arranged to meet some people early which meant I could still make it to Ebs tennis on time. But then she didn't turn up!!!!! So I had a stop watch with me so I went on my own. I was slower than last Dec by 1.45 min but I was very pleased with that. My trainer just rang me to get my time and she was amazed first of all that I went and secondly that my time was "good" considering my lack of training and my soreness. So I have now committed to definitely compete in a 14.6 km event in April. I need to train for this as the other people from my group who want me to join their team are all runners!! This should help my motivation. Some people are doing the 5km but I knew that was not a big enough challenge for me so 14.6 it will be. I have been thinking about it for sometime and know I cannot run it all but if I walk and run it in time I will be stoked with myself. There is a time limit because they close the tunnel to traffic and you have to get through it before the re-opening time.
We are going out to dinner tonight with friends so have to be very strict with myself for the rest of the weekend.
Hope everyone has a happy weekend.
Posted by michelle ::
4:53 pm ::
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Thursday, February 02, 2006
EXERCISE AND SCRAPPING
Went to to step class today and it was even harder than I remembered. Having a couple of weeks break is not advisable. Step count today 16755..yeh!!!!!!!. Also ate within points so have to be pleased with that.
Just returned from a scrap booking class with E. Now I know that scrapbooking is for very young or very old people or in the words of my friend " for dags". But I went anyway, admittedly a bit unsure of whether I wanted to be there and actually enjoyed myself. E and I are now hooked and will be starting this new hobby. Not sure when I will find the time but I am sure it will be good for reducing stress levels.
Still extremely busy at work and on top of that have a very stressful evening tomorrow having to deal with a family problem. Have been dreading it all week as it developed from one bad scene to another. This time I vow not to let it send me on a self-destructive path of not caring and then falling off the wagon.(my usual way of dealing with this person) This issue is one of my main triggers and I am going to be confident and trust in myself to handle it properly. We will be eating out at a pub so it will be tempting but I am going to plan for success and eat sensibly.
I know that " I cannot direct the wind (and it will be very windy) but I can adjust the sails." Then I will not sink as I have in the past but simply sail through the storm and come out to find the sunshine on the other side....
Have a good day everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
4:29 am ::
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
EXERCISE!!!
OK so tennis is back. I do not understand why with all the hours I spent watching the tennis champions I didn't learn a bit more and put those winning shots into a well planned and executed game. Still for some reason I didn't hit the ball like Fedderer!!!!!!!!! Still it was good to be back, I played reasonably well and we only lost by 2 games so it wasn't a thrashing.... Still I don't think I will be getting called up this season to play in the Veterans comp at Wimbledon.
Then inspired by Sues post last week to get on with it without excuses and then shamed by M's weekly exercise plan, I decided I needed to get back into my exercise. I hadn't exercised for 10 days for a variety of reasons, too tired, too hot, couldn't find the time with the long hrs I was working,too much tennis to watch, too lazy...in other words no valid excuse. I set my alarm for 5.20 with the best of intentions. Then had a long, long night with little sleep due to TTOM cramping and associated problems. The alarm went off and I turned it off and tried to sleep. Feeling ashamed of myself for not getting up I went tonight to the gym. Did my weight training and then a rebound class.
However all that jumping around on a trampoline is not ideal if you are having menstrual problems. While jumping I had a problem and had to race to the toilet. I had no more supplies with me so went to the desk to ask the girl if I could borrow some. A man was on duty. So I asked for my keys to get something from the car. We couldn't find them. Told him they had a long blue neck chain attached and we could not see them. The girl came over and looked for where she had put them... I asked her for something to use and she snuck me something. Said we would look for the keys later so I could get back to the class. After the class I realised the keys that we couldn't find were not my keys on a long blue neck chain...Dh had used the car and taken the chain off...So we had been looking for the wrong thing and my keys were there all along. Feeling an idiot I went to the supermarket to get some supplies for work. I was dripping with perspiration and feeling spaced out from that unfamiliar exercise when this creepy man tried to make jokes with me about what I could do with the "pistols " I was buying and that were pointing at him from the counter. (cleaning bottles with triggers)Not impressed!! My sense of humour was long gone. Paid for the supplies and then walked out , you guessed it without the car keys. What a bimbo!!!
So is exercise really worth it or will it just turn me into a brainless, cranky, ...I can't think of any more adjectives ...
I have given myself a good talking to tonight.. I need to exercise because when I don't I feel bad, then I eat bad, lose energy, get cranky and so on. I need to make the time even though I am busy, find the energy even though I am tired. SO for the next 10 days I am going to bore you all with a post each night of my exercise for the day. No need to comment, unless I don't post any exercise and then feel free to send me a swift quick. 10 days with no exercise created a habit of laziness so hopefully 10 days of exercise will give me back my old habit of loving exercise.
Posted by michelle ::
2:50 am ::
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