feedmysoul

Sunday, January 21, 2007

NO CRUTCHES!!!

Well what a long week it has been with limited mobility and not being able to drive a car. Pain has been fairly intense but everyday there has been some improvment so helped to try to stay positive. Physio gave me permission to ditch the crutches yesterday. Even though I am now only able to limp around that is still a vast step forward. Went to work on Friday and that was so difficult with the crutches and stairs. Had to go to get all the information required from the mens brains before they left this week for interstate jobs.
On Saturday we had the wedding to attend. Unfortunately for the bridal party it poured rain as the bride arrived. The ceremony was being held outside, on a hill so manourverability was difficult. Part way through the ceremony they stopped and moved into a cellar barn and started again. The reception was elsewhere and was lovely but I found it difficult when the music began and I couldn't dance. I certainly have a new appreciation for people with permanent disabilities. The bride looked absolutely stunning and the rain was quickly forgotten as her and her partner danced up a storm of their own.
Sunday was a difficult day as I am moving my mum out of her house. Had many hassles with her during the week an dshe certainly didn't see that being on crutches should limit my ability to jump when she wanted something. Never once did she ask how I was but she did demand I do things for her! This relocation of mum requires feats that seriously stretch our resources both time wise and enrgy an demotionally and will still be required for weeks/ months. At least my sister and her Dh (who have both been amazing)and my long lost brother came and we worked all day again and seem to be making progress. Had to take things to my mum( the others won't go near her except for my BIL) at her new place and she again carried on and threatened suicide. At which point I stormed out, well actually limped out and dissoleved in tears in the car. She is certainly worse than any naughty child but to be honest she always has been. So although I have a million things to do for her I will do them but I will not go near her this week. The urge to slap her was just too great! I cannot believe how much I let her manipulate me and twist my insides with her bad behaviour. She has got herself into an enormous mess, including financially and of course just expects me to bail her out. I would love to let her sort it out herself but she is not capable and my conscience won't let me. She is my mum after all.
At work today alone except thank goodness for one man who has been left behind to work in the factory. This means I do not have to go up and downstairs for deliveries which was my main worry. Have a mountain of paperwork but with no one else there I turned up the music and just started wading through trying to be methodical and not panic. Also meant I could leave the premises to visit clients and even sneak home early with the phones diverted to my mobile. Thank goodness for modern technology. I am exhausted from all my injuries and I guess from carrying my weight around. On the eating front have hardly eaten for a week and the scales have rewarded me by going down. No exercise has been very frustrating so I started upper body workouts with dumbbells at home on Sat. Cannot lift the weights I was before the fall but I am sure that will come back. At the moment it still hurts and I am scared to walk but I am sure each day will be able to more easily. Actually got hungry today which is the first time since the fall so my body is definitely getting back to normal.
Have been reading blogs, sorry if I haven't commented. I find I can only sit at computer for a short time as my back and the rest of me aches. To all of you thanks for your support and kep onkeeping on. Remember this year we are being successful...each and everyone of us.
Posted by michelle :: 9:33 pm :: 15 comments

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Friday, January 19, 2007

I HATE MEN

Ok with out going into detail today I hate men!! Very strong word which I try never to use so just between us OK! I am going to a wedding today and I wish I could drive so I could tell my men to go away....
We have to leave for the wedding at 12.30, but I am sure the men will be late as they have 2 jobs to fix this morning.. Then after the service a 3 1/2 hr wait till the reception. Think it makes the wedding all about the photos! DH is driving the wedding car so will be traipsing around Melb for photo shoots. DS and his Gf and I will probably come home before the reception at 6. Plan to have a vegie bake then that I cooked last night. I will have the food at the wedding but hopefully small portions. I don't want to gain weight this weekend as I have been so good at my eating this week while unable to exercise. It has been very hard. Last night I got my weights out and did 20 minutes upper body work. My arms feel very tired and the weights are less than what I am used to! Still it is a start. I am now going to see the physio and hopefully be told to lose the crutches... Quite worried though as I am now walking a bit on my foot but my foot seems turned inwards. Sure it will just need some exercises to get me walking properly, but does hurt a lot. Have all my bandages off the rest of me so at least only my feet will look silly with one high heel and one leg taped up!
Better go.. have a good weekend everyone.

Posted by michelle :: 1:32 pm :: 5 comments

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

SLOW PROGRESS BUT STILL PROGRESS

Hi everyone,
Well at least my haed is clearer as the week has progressed and I stopped taking the meds. On the ankle front each day is a bit better. It is still swollen up like a balloon and the pressure is painful but I am now able to step on it and the physio is allowing me to walk on it with the crutches for support. Physio has strapped it tightly and I have to ice it every 2 hours and do stretching exercise hourly. My back and arms are hurting from all that weight I have been lifting...my own body. Have had work sent home and will go in tomorrow morning to do job costings before the men depart for interstate. I know I will now be able to get up the stairs so that is a relief. Won't be fun but is doable even if I go up on my bum.
Spent most of Monday and Tuesday being a vegetable on the couch but yesterday had an important date with Craig Harper. For those who don't know he is a very prestigious personal trainer. J and I had booked in for a boot camp next month. Last week it was cancelled due to insufficient numbers. J was quite upset as she had been hoping this camp would kickstart her motivation so she wrote and politely complained. I was very disappointed as well. He rang and offered a free counselling session. So she came and got me and we went to see him. 3 SHORT FLIGHTS OF STEPS LATER!!! I must have looked very committed going up them on crutches, (or desperate) He is very inspirational, mainly becaue he himself has lost so much weight. He is very blunt and honest and pushes the line that it is all up to the individual what they put in their mouth and how much effrot they choose to make with their body. Reinforced my plan to suucceed to goal this year.
Unexpectedly he issued us a 28 day challenge to push our limits for 28 days and then go see him again! So added incentive for me. He weighed us and will reweigh us in 28 days so have to do the right thing. Of course I intended to anyway!!! It is astruggle to eat well while so bored and frustrated with no exercise but so far I have done it. I actually have only eaten about 18 points a day to compensate for my inactivity.
The rest of yesterday was non stop activity. E drove me from place to place and I hobbled along to get some business taken care of. DS was playing BBall last night and DD wanted to show off her driving so off we went. Of course she can't mange to park near the entrance so another effort. Back to his house for a catch up then some mor errands and finally arrived home at 8.30 where work was waiting for me. Definitely wasn't restful and I am sore from it today so will try to rest up this morning before E has to drive me to meeting sthis afternoon.
But another day down being positive and staying on track. Hope you are all doing the same.

Posted by michelle :: 12:26 pm :: 8 comments

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Monday, January 15, 2007

SOME GOALS FOR THIS WEEK

1. Not resort to comfort eating
2. Not gain weight
3. Do something constructive during this enforced rest, maybe scrapbooking.
4. Start an upper body weights program as soon as my hand is better.
5. Attend a motivational session that has been booked with Craig Harper even if I have to climb up the stairs on my bum.
6. Not get depressed with all the things I am missing out on. eg today Australian Open Tennis tickets, an annual event with my sister.

Have booked an appointment with a physio tomorrow so hope that will help. E and I are going to try to get me in pool for a swim later. It is 39 here so too hot to stay out of pool.
So far have eaten perfectly. Must say it helps that so much effort is required to get to pantry! Also can't drive so can't go to shops for chocolate or take away. Trying to stay positive and focused.
My sons Gf has covered phones for me at work as she is on afternoon shift with her own job. Tonight some work will be sent home for me to do here as it is payroll day tomorrow. Dh can cover office tomorrow (whether he wants to or not)and hopefully I can get a lift there Thursday or Friday and will be able to navigate staircase to get some real work done. I need to find out that I can cope with the access to the offices before everyone leaves to work interstate on Sun.
I guess as long as I am making progress each day then I can stay focused.
On Sun everyone leaves to work interstate so I need to know I can use stairs to cope next week.

Posted by michelle :: 8:05 pm :: 15 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- MY SISTER DEMANDED PHOTOS AS EVIDENCE!!

Posted by michelle :: 2:03 am :: 4 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- CATCHING UP AND BUSTED UP!!

Had a good holiday catching up with my friend Mary then on with Dh to relax at Maroochydore. Weather turned bad and Dh was unable to move around a lot due to his bad back but it was good to take a breather from all that was going on at home. I continued my exercise plan and ran and swam everyday. It was great running the couch25km program in such beautiful surroundings, then jumping immediately into the pool to try to improve my swimming for the triathalon this Sunday. Arrived home Thursday evening and it was great to see the kids though not so great to race off to work the next morning. (after I met my friend for a couch25km session and convinced her to keep doing it with me)
Had a million pieces of paperwork needing my attention and a tight deadline as I had to leave early to meet mums DH at the house to make sure he is leaving and get the keys. Then stayed there cleaning till late. Met my sister the next morning at 8am and we continued packing and scrubbing and moving thing to mums new place. We made ourselves stop at 12.30 am. Still plenty to do but did achieve a lot. Picture a house that has been filled with junk and not cleaned for 2 years and that is what we are dealing with. Also renovation projects have been started but never completed so the house is in no state to sell so unsure what we will do. For the 2 days I hardly ate as my appetite was absent in the conditions I was working in and the stress and business kept me from thinking about food. The scales at least were kinder on Sunday morning.

Determined not to miss exercise Jenni and E and I went early to the 1000 steps. They seemed harder than last time and showed how unfit I am since the operation. Came down them feeling pleased with myself though and took off when reaching the path trying to run the whole way to the carpark. I have done this every time and sometimes I can do it all. Kept thinking of the tri and how I needed to push myself to run when exhausted. But of course clutz that I am and as I have been determined to succeed this year and have mapped out my exercise plan, something had to happen to spoil it. A rock jumped out of the ground and sent me flying through the air. Some men were walking behind me and I am sure they were thinking what an idiot I was to be running downhill but they were gracious and helped me up and even made me a walking stick . Jenni and E turned up to find me hobbling along the path with both knees, my elbow and hand bleeding profusely, and having trouble walking on my right foot. We limped to the car where I took my shoe off and my ankles were twice the size. Luckily Jenni was driving. We got to her house and switched cars. Again luckily I started giving E driving lessons the week before we left so with 5 lessons she drove me to the Dr. He said he thought it was broken and to go this morning for x-rays as nothing was open yesterday except the hospital. Didn't want E to drive me into a major town and have to park etc so we went home via the chemist. The dr had told us to get crutches and some strong pain killers and not to walk on it. Did this and E did well each time trying to park when she never has. Took the pain killers and then every time I had to go to the toilet I broke out into a sweat and went dizzy and had to fight the urge to pass out. Teribble day. When evening came and Dh came home from work I moved to the couch and started to get a clearer head. The pain was intense though and I spent the night worrying about how I will cope with a broken foot. My officegirl started her holidays today as she is getting married on Sat. Then next Sunday our entire staff go interstate to work and I will be running the office. All offices are upstairs! Then of course the tri, my exercise which I crave, the wedding on Sat, still major things needed to do at my mums house and so on. Talk about almost panicking. This morning E drove me to get the x-rays and after parking and walking on crutches inside we find a sign that they are still on holidays. DRrrrrrr! So to the Drs luckily only a short walk to ask where to go. Fortunately a new place has opened so we drove there. E had to do her first parallell park, talk about having to learn quickly. X-rays taken then back to the Dr to be told the great news that it is not broken. What a relief!! He said it is badly damaged and only time will tell but for now probably a week with no walking then 4-6 weeks to full recovery. Unfortunately the Dr said it can take longer to heal than a break. But I am trying to be optimistic and just take one day at a time thankful for any improvement. Having said that we all know that within a few days I will be cranky as anything when I cannot exercise. At the moment I am getting a good cardio workout using the crutches. With my right foot and hand injured along with both knees and it seems endless aches all over it is quite a workout just going to the toilet and having a bath was a whole different story.
Hopefully it will be much better tomorrow and at least my sons Gf has been able to work for me today and tomorrow as her own job starts at 3.30pm . Will have to think about what to do for the rest of the week when she is on day shift. Will probably get work sent home and the phones diverted as at least the men are still there during the day if there are deliveries. As E said yestreday at least life isn't boring. tHough update at the moment while I am trying to type this between calls from people about my mum, E is stressed and exhausted and I am sure sick of me being incapacitated already.
Hopefully I will be able to catch up on all your blogs but may not comment for a while as it hurts to sit up in the chair.

Posted by michelle :: 12:49 am :: 6 comments

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

AND A NEW YEAR BEGINS AND MORE SPILT MILK

Have exercised everyday and eaten under points until last night when I succumbed to the heat and exhaustion and ate some of the treats I had bought for the kids when I will be away. Weighed myself today and scales have started going down which is good. Of course tomorrow I leave for Qld and that may send them up again but I intend to at least not binge and I will exercise everyday.
A brief whinge here to get this off my chest.
Tuesday my mother and her DH had a big fight and have seperated. (for about the 7th time in the 3 years she has been married.) Big scene and she has fled to live with someone else. A good friend has an empty small granny flat because her mum died last year. So we are moving mum into this. On Tuesday night my mum threatened to kill herself so that was very upsetting. She didn't mean it but says things to get attention. Still it was very upsetting. Little sleep this week worrying about and planning everything that has to be done. Thought of cancelling the trip to Qld but decided last night to still go ahead with it. I have taken her to a counsellor this morning and at the moment she is lapping up the attention from everyone with no thought to how her words and actions impact on others.
So I did give in to the stress last night but one night in a week like this is not a bad reaction.

"A FAMILY CAN BE LIKE AN OIL SPILL AND YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON CLEANING IT UP."

Posted by michelle :: 2:37 pm :: 12 comments

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Monday, January 01, 2007

A NEW YEAR A NEW RESOLVE

Although lots of wonderful things happened last year on the weight aspect I totally blew it over the past few months and I am now heavier than I have been in15 months. I am disgusted with myself about this. Yes I can make excuses about being ill and stressed but they are still excuses and not acceptable. For most of the year I was far too complacent about my weight, I guess in part because being this weight was so much better than I had been for the past 15 years. So I allowed my weight to go up and down for much of the year and till the end when I just gave up and gave in and became an eating machine. Of course having to stop exercising when sick made my weight gain happen way too easily and the great feeling I had been getting from exercise disappeared.

Well the slump is over. A New Year, a new resolve and I intend to get to goal this year. I have written up a weekly exercise plan to get me back into the exercise mode. It will be difficult because I am relatively unfit now but I have learnt that my body and my mind need me to exercise. So that is the focus for this month. I cannot run anymore which is very disappointing and I want to do all the funruns I did last year and beat my own times. Won't happen if I don't get serious so here goes. Of course finding the time each day is the difficult part but I am going to try. Our new years eve celebrations were cancelled beacuse my poor DH hurt his back while we were doing a tip run and he is now unable to walk. I spent the time instead (except when I was waiting on him, or driving kids) joining challenges, taking weights and measurements, and photos, and writing up plans and goals.

Did my 30 minutes fitball circuit this morning and an 8km bike ride tonight. Have eaten to plan, and cooked tomorrow nights dinner so when I come home from work there will be no excuse.

Next ot my desk I have placed the butter picture with a weight written on the back of each (great visual stimulus) which end with me being my lowest weight in 15 years. That is my goal for my birthday in March. Will be difficult but if I don't make it it won't be for lack of trying.

MINI GOALS will be placed in side bar later and this time I intend to achieve them.

Happy New year Everyone. Lets make this a successful one for us all in which many of our dreams come true.

Posted by michelle :: 12:18 am :: 11 comments

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