Sunday, September 25, 2005
LOSER!!!!!!!!!!
It always amazes me when I look back and see how easy it is to fall off the motivation wagon. Last week was such a positive one for me with winning the weight challenge, almost making 20 kilo loss and receiving so much support from this community. I was on a roll with my exercise and enjoying every moment of it. But then things changed. Some personal issues that have been a problem for me came to a head and I just gave into them. I simply could not be bothered fighting my past bad habits but jumped right in feet first to using food for comfort. With every phone call that I received I simply turned to food to help me deal with the anger and hurt I was feeling. I think I have eaten more in the past 4 days than in the previous 2 weeks. I skipped my training sessions and then skipped weigh in. Ashamed of myself I went back to bed with food for comfort, telling myself all the reasons why I deserved the sheer indulgence. Of course none of the reasons were valid and I knew that but let my emotions rule. And of course if I didn't come on here and report to you all then who cared anyway. My internet connection went down for the weekend so I was even aided in not blooging myself out of the doldrums. So damage is done. The eating didn't help me solve any of the problems I was being forced to deal with and they have now cost me a week, or two, of my weight loss because now I have to reverse the damage I have done. Well so be it. I did it, I take responsibility for it. Life feels very sad at the moment but doesn't get better when I eat, I just proved that to myself again. So I lost a battle with my emotions at the weekend but hopefully I have not lost the lesson.
Posted by michelle ::
11:40 pm ::
18 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Monday, September 19, 2005
I WON A WEIGHT LOSS COMPETITION
This is one big brag but I am soooo excited. 6 weeks ago the Ozgeek forum launched a 6 week weight loss challenge. Today the results were announced and I won. I lost just over 5% body weight in that time. Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel just like a little kid at christmas. Jodie(melbourne) was one of the organisers and she arranged some lovely prizes. I have won a hamper, a cook book, a get fit pack and $140. I have a small MP3 player that I use when walking, but it doesn't hold very many songs. On Sat my son told me to buy an Ipod Shuffle for $149. That will hold 8 hrs of music. What a coincidence. So that is what I will do. So there will be no excuse not to walk because I can add to my repetoire of songs I can sing along to while walking.
Jodie came second so congratulations Jodie. This was well earned because she has been so totally committed to her weight loss program since returning from overseas. Briony won an encouragmnet award of a membership with walking with attitude, so she will be able to join us on our walking challenges in the future. Briony has also turned her whole attitude around and is now so positive and inspirational. Together we have a pact to be 60s girls by christmas AND WE WILL BE.
My attitude to this journey has really changed the past few weeks. The main change is that I am starting to believe that I can do this and keep it off. For most of the time I haven't believed that but now I am starting to believe in myself. Throughout this I have had no support or encouragement from friends or family. My DH (until last Sat)and DSS do not comment and my DS trys to a little I guess but is wrapped up in her own teenage world. My sister says nothing which really hurts but then again she has seen me lose before and put it back on. And of course friends, well we saw that Sat night.
But I now have this whole community which is incredibly supportive and encouraging. This "virtual world" as my Dd calls it of my imaginary friends. well it is thanks to my virtual friends that I do not feel alone on this journey, thanks to you that I keep getting back on the tracks when I fall off, thanks to you that I push myself to exercise and to eat well. As a result I have changed. I am healthier, fitter, smaller and best of all I now like myself again. I have changed my lifestyle not just my diet, and you guys have helped me change my thinking.
THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by michelle ::
7:38 pm ::
18 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Sunday, September 18, 2005
A photo of me and Ebony 12 months ago.
Look at the size of that stomach. AND I had a bum to match. I looked for a photo because I really couldn't see that I looked slim in the new photos. Now I can see from this photo how far I have come on this journey.
Posted by michelle ::
5:12 pm ::
11 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Saturday, September 17, 2005
HUNGOVER BIG TIME( and I don't mean alcohol.)
Haven't technically had a slip up but went out to dinner and indulged (as planned) Had the most delicious omelette roll filled with ricotta, mushrooms and pistachio nuts. Then stuffed chicken breast, and then..........chocolate sauce pudding!!!!!!!!!! Beautiful food. As a consequence today I am feeling sick, grumpy and unmotivated. I cannot eat fatty food anymore without getting sick. Even though I made fairly wise choices. Think the garlic bread on the side is playing up with me. My house is a mess and I have a million things to do. All the exercise this week and then last nights indulgence has left me drained and feeling fat and frumpy. My friends last night did not even comment on my weight loss even when my Dh said "Look at Michelle. She has lost 20 kilo. Isn't she amazing?" (not quite true but bless him.)
They just looked at me and said nothing.
Luckily tomorrow is another day.
Posted by michelle ::
7:18 pm ::
10 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Dressed up for my lovely dinner out. 
Posted by michelle ::
6:40 pm ::
5 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Trying to post a new photo for my profile.
Posted by michelle ::
6:24 pm ::
3 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Friday, September 16, 2005
OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!
Where do I start;
Went for a walk to meet Jodie who is doing the Who Challenge. She is a lovely girl and it was wonderful to meet someone form "Virtual" Blogland. With her trainer Margaret we went to Churchill PArk. Killer hills, up and down for 40 minutes. Really had me working I can tell you. Just the sight of the hills made me want to quit. We are going to do it again next week so I am very fortunate to have found a walking buddy. Thanks Jodie. You will do so well in the challenge with your positive attitude.
Then this morning I had to go do my time trial for 4kn walk/run. It was windy and raining and miserable and I hate it. But I did it and I cut about 2 minutes off my last time. YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I went and weighed in at WW. I lost 1.3. Bringing my total lost to 19.6. Can you believe it??? I am lower in weight than 3 1/2 years ago when I got to 73.5 for about 1 week. So I am probably lower than in about 6 years. I have lost over 20% of my body weight.
I am going to visit my son soon and if it doesn't rain I am going to attempt a bike ride. Something I have not done for years.
I gave myself a treat. Twisties and a choc bar. I ate half and gave the rest to Ebs becasue it satisfied the craving I had been having.
This week I have completed step and aerobics classes in addition to my normal training and tackled those hills with Jodie. I feel so much fitter than years ago, (hey months ago)
My Dr is so pleased with my BP coming down and I now know that I can never go back to what I was before.
Tonight we are going out to dinner with friends and I am going to order what I want and enjoy it. My treat for 20% loss. I am in control so will be back on track tomorrow. I am going to enjoy getting dressed up and feeling skinny.
SO yes I am HAPPY< HAPPY < HAPPY>
Posted by michelle ::
8:56 pm ::
5 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Thursday, September 15, 2005
EXERCISE JUNKIE
I have been trying really hard the past few weeks. My eating has been 18 points at the most, consistently, and my exercise has been getting more each day. Then inspired by Jodie(Melbourne) and Paulene who are participating in the Who challenge I took my exercise to an even greater level. I have had a 2 week pass to the gym for months. So Monday I went and started. Hence the aerobics Tuesday (which I liked Mary) and the step class this morning!! So far this week; Sun boot camp morning, walk afternoon, Mon kickboxing morning, gym machines afternoon, Tuesday tennis all day aerobics evening, Wed gym machines morning, gym machines afternoon, tennis evening, Thursday step class, morning.........nothing rest of day. Tomorrow I have weight training at 6am and then later I am meeting Jodie for a walk. Very exciting. BUT very tiring. Also I am scared I won't have a good loss and will feel disappointed. I know all I can do is just keep on trying but I am really working hard and really scared of falling of the tracks as I have in the past. Anyway I am looking forward to meeting Jodie and she is so inspirational so I will be back to my optimistic self tomorrow.
UPDATE
Started posting this a long time ago but have since been chatting to my friend Briony. Thanks Bri, I feel a lot better.
Posted by michelle ::
3:37 am ::
8 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
SWEET SIXTEEN
 My Daughter (the blonde one) on Sat night at the Casino for her 16th Birthday.
My baby girl is sixteen today. Where did all those years go? She is a beautiful girl on the inside and out and very, very sweet. Cannot believe though just how quickly the time has gone. I still remember her crawling around the house, throwing tantrums in the doorway of her bedroom, sitting on the teachers knee in prep because she was to shy to go there otherwise, writing me beautiful love letters................and many more wonderful times. Tonight some of her school friends ar ecoming over to stay. They will be here when we get home as a surprise.
On the eating front I have been really good and even managed to eat a few more points the past few days. Exercise front, well tennis I won!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!! and to celebrate I went to an aerobics class last night. My first in about 12 years. It certainly made me sweat.
Have a great day everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
4:05 pm ::
11 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I AM GETTING YOUNGER
Allright; If I disregard how my body is feeling after weight trianing, boot camp x 2 and then kickboxing this morning I am announcing that I have added some years to my life. HOW, by exercising and healthy eating of course, which has resulted in 18kg loss since Jan. About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with severely high blood pressure and an enlarged heart. There were a few times when the Dr threatened me with hospital fearing I would have a stroke. Since then I have ben medicated. I had to try a few but ended up on some very high dosage of meds. These meds succeeded in bringing the BP down some but not low enough to not be considered still dangerous.
Today I went to the Dr. Now, I only go when I run out of meds. My Blood pressure was in the normal range!!! I am so pleased to finally see some concrete improvement in my health. Of course I am still on medication and want to see that reduce in future. So exercise, as much as it hurts, and healthy eating, does bring about it's own rewards.
He also told me to ignore the goal weight and just try to get to a weight I can maintain; about 65kg. That took some pressure off! I know I may decide to get lower if/when I get to 65 but at least I do not feel pressured to do so.
So this is a HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!
Posted by michelle ::
8:32 pm ::
11 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Saturday, September 10, 2005
WEIGH IN AND BOOT CAMP
Boot camp was quite an experience and parts of it were absolute torture. Of course it rained, though not a lot. Most of it was spent running around doing things with metal poles. (rifles) As you all know running is not something I find easy but I did run more than usual. After Sat session I went to WW and weighed in Lost 800g. I know all the reasons I shoudl be happy with this but I wasn't. I hav eexercised everyday and had 17 or less points each day. Not one thing has passed my lips that shouldn't. Then I got home and plans for afternoon were cancelled. So what did I do. Eat of course!!! Cooked myself a nice but big, healthy breakfast. Ebony finished the 40 hr famine at midday so we had to have McD. Healthy Choices, No WAY!!!!!!! Tried the chocolate spiders Ebony makes afterwards just to add the finishing touch. At this point I was forced tostop because I felt so sick. I deserved it and I think it will eb along time before I eat McDs but my body was not happy.
Last night we went to the Crown Casino. Had dinner, (steamed chicken, vegies and rice,) played in the games arcade and went to see Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. A great family night to celbrate that E will turn 16 on Wed.
Then this morning back to Boot Camp. It was raining and freezing and I felt thoroughly miserable. My body is aching but I am glad I did it.
Here are the stats for my September exercise Challenge this week.
Sun 30 minute walk
Mon 60 minute kickboxing. 45 min tennis lesson
Tue 3 hrs tennis
Wed 90 min tennis
Thur nothing I can remember
Fri 45 minutes weights/fitball stairs, 10 ups and downs
Sat 60 min boot camp
Posted by michelle ::
5:04 pm ::
6 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Friday, September 09, 2005
BOOT CAMP
MIL operation went well and when we took the patch off today she was amazed that she could now see and read without her glasses. A fantastic result and a great relief that it is over. She will have the other eye done in about 6 weeks. M posted to day about a walk to be held on Oct 16th across Australia. I am going to do the Melbourne one and if anyone wants to join me please let me know. M is arranging t-shirts called "bloggers in joggers." Cost will be about $10. http://www.jdrf.org.au/walk/2005/melbourne.html
copied from M
....that the Walk for a Cure walks have been set. October 16th around the country. I am going to go. Shall we make it a national effort? I would love to meet up with any Sydney Bloggers who want to get together and have a laugh whilst walking. I am going to officially register and do the whole fund raising bit but you don't have to. You can just turn up and walk on the day and perhaps put in a coin donation at the collection areas, or we can all register and form a team and I can organise t-shirts. How hilarious. And completely silly. But a very good way to recognise ourselves :) Anyway, if you are interested the site information is here and it contains a heap of PDF's about the track, fundraising, t-shirt printing (yes it was their idea - not mine LOL). So, if you want to come and meet up, send me an email and we'll work it out. It's a bit scary thinking that I may actually meet some people in the flesh but I figure with 15,000 other people in the crowd if we all get too scared we can just disappear ;)
Oh and I have a suggestion for our team name "Bloggers in Joggers".....+
So any Melbournians who want to do it check it out and let me know.
I went to fitball this morning with a little weight work. My back is only hurting a little so that is good.
Tomorrow morning I am off to boot camp. For Sat and Sun for 1 hr each day I will be getting yeld at, and bullied, learning cadences, wearing a camofluage shirt, crawling in mud and who knows what else. Hopefully a lot of laughs as well as some halthy exercise. I will go to weigh in after the boot camp. I hope I have lost because I have been really good this week. Think of me if it is raining which is what they are predicting!!
Posted by michelle ::
2:02 am ::
9 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
WHERE HAS SPRING GONE?
Woke up this morning and brilliant sunshine. Made plans for a big walk this afternoon. Then 6.30am, rain, and it is still raining. I need to walk in the sun!!!
My tests at the specialists were inconclusive so I have to go and have different tests at the hospital in a couple of weeks. I went to the phyio and endured half an hour of agony, but it felt much better. A few more visits and some special exercise will hopefully fix it up. Last night Ebony came and played with me in the mixed comp. We lost but she played really well.I won't tell her but she played much better than me. She was picking on me because I looked a dag with my beanie on,"how embarassing."
I am sure sh eonly played better than me because of my sore back and blurry eyes!!!
Today I am taking my ma-in-law for an operation to have a cataract removed. Quite scary for her and after my tests yesterday I do empathise with her. I am sure she will be fine but will be very glad when it is over. I figured I could go for my walk while they are operating. Hope the sun comes back out.
Tonight I am having my son and G/F for tea so they can visit with their Grandma. She will be staying with me for a couple of days to recuperate.
Need to get back to work as the hours I am here are a bit limited today. Have a great day everyone.
Posted by michelle ::
5:39 pm ::
8 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
EBONY IS SACKED!!
Ebony has been doing work experience this week at a Veterinary Clinic,but no that is not where she has been sacked. I have sacked her as my official scales hider! I have not given her her termination officially yet but will wait till she realises that the scales have moved. When I got home from tennis today feeling exhausted and riddled with back pain I decided that I needed to weigh myself to see if it was all worth it. I went into her room to look and it took all of 2 seconds for the scales to jump out at me and insist I get on them. Ebony has no idea how to hide things. Of course I had to weigh myself. I had no choice in the matter. Having resisted the fattening food at tennis, including cheesecake I succumbed to those little beasts yelling at me to get on them. Was I cranky. I don't remember exactly what I weighed on Sat on my scales but think they went up a little bit!!!! How dare they I have been so good and exercised so much. So I responded by eating my tea at 2pm!! Managed to stop there and had vegies for tea to compensate. It is of course Ebonys fault not mine. I have hidden the scales in a much better spot, (until tomorrow.)
I am having trouble with my back and sitting working at the computer is excruciating. It has been niggling for weeks but for the past few days is just getting worse. I know I should go to the physio but keep hoping it will just get better. I am not a lover of any visits to Drs etc so always put it off. Think I will now need to do something about this though. Tomorow I have to go to the specialist because I have been dianosed with glaucoma. That is as much medical visit as I can handle at the moment. Now just to reaffirm the positive me is still here it is just my body not my mind that is hurting.
Posted by michelle ::
4:38 am ::
8 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Sunday, September 04, 2005
EXERCISE OVERLAOD
Well the new positive me got stuck into the exercise this weekend. Now I can hardly walk!! or move in any fashion. But I got up at 5am and did a kickboxing session for 60 minutes and I am going to my tennis lesson soon. By the time I get to work the stairs in the entry will feel like Mt Everest. I will conquer them though.
I gave my scales to Ebony and tol dher to hide them till Saturday. Now I have no idea what my weight is doing. Having withdrawal symptoms! Also I am going to try to eat a little more each day because usually I only eat about 17. So this will be a bit scary until I weigh in on Saturday. I won't be able to weigh myself to see if I am losing so hav eto have blind faith taht if I eat and exercise well then I will lose.
Good luck to Jodie and Paulene who are starting their WHO challenge today. I am going to try to keep up with them and borrow some of their motivation.I have started working in the garden again as spring is here so I will post some photos as I get it back into shape. I love being out in the fresh air seeing the flowers and feeling the sunshine. It has been great weather in Melbourne to kick off the spring and I am trying to take advantage of it to wake up my inner me. Those negative influences in my life can stay back in winter.
Well have to race (crawl) to tennis to see if I can actually lift the racket.
Have a great day everyone. Take the time to smell the flowers!!
Posted by michelle ::
5:04 pm ::
8 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Friday, September 02, 2005
WEIGH IN AND SPRING HAS BEGUN
Went and weighed in this morning and lost 1.1. So I now weigh 75.1 and have lost a total of 17.5.
Gave myself a good talking to on Thursday. Spring had arrived. It is time to get serious about this again and make some new goals. I hav efinished the Walking Challenge, well before the cut off date so that was good but otherwise have been a bit to lazy. I have missed more training sessions than I have attended for the last 6 weeks and now don't want to get up at 5am to go. Just feel really tired all the time.
But, the sun is now shining....so my September Challenge is to exercise every day. I am going to mark it off each day on a calender and report here each Saturday.
Sept 1st Thursday, walk 30min.
Sept 2nd Friday, weight training (before the sun was up) 45 min, then 30 min
at home with fitball and weights. (very sore today)
Sept 3 Saturday, 30 min walk/jog lightpoles, (thanks Jodie) half kickboxing DVd,
30 min walk at my sons house later today.
One of my goals passed without me noticing. I am over halfway.
-If I lose 1 more kg I will be at my lightest in 3 1/2 years.
-1 kg more lost and I will be at my lightest in about 10 years. So they will be my immediate goals.
-Following this I will need to lose .5 to have lost 20kg. If I reach that I am going to go to N.Z for a holiday with Dh and Dd and then I am going to go to Sydney to visit Briony. Now come on Bri you need to get to 20 kg this year as well.
The choice is ours, we can live a life that is full of hope and optimism and feeling good about our achievments or we can wallow in self pity and just wish things would get better. I choose to live with hope and optimism. I cannot eat my problems away. They just seem bigger when I do. Instead I will tackle them with exercise and attitude. Watch them shrink away. So starting with Sept this is me the "positive Michelle." The old, pessimistic, tired, lethargic, wish I was thin Michelle has left the building.
Posted by michelle ::
9:13 pm ::
9 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
Thursday, September 01, 2005
THANKS FOR HELPING ME
Well I have just come home from the funeral and I am glad that it is over. It was a beautiful service with lots of laughter which is what she wanted. They even played Robbie Williams, Angels. Not bad taste for a lady of 89. I read my letter and said a few other things and I am going to pat myself on the back because I stayed in control and did her proud. Afterwards some people came up to me and said "that is exactly what we all think." My mother behaved herself Jodie, although her Dh didn't. Anyway I gave her a kiss and got her a sandwich afterward. Then my sister and B-in-law went to visit my dads grave. The sun was shining, the gardens were beautiful and we know Brenda and dad are at peace.
Last night I started to panic and tried on clothes to wear. I have a new dress I have been saving till I am skinnier and thought I would wear that. Ebony said "do you want me to tell the truth? It makes you look curvy." Meaning it clung over the wobble bits. Well I couldn't wear that. Tried on lots of clothes and settled for a navy pinstiped suit. I have never fitted into the skirt. But it did. Ebs commented it was very business like. But I said that is what I am comfortable with as an image. Anyway went to see my ma-in-law before the funeral and she said how nice I looked. After the speech my sister said how I looked like I was on the Board of Directors and that I spoke like it as well.(She was complimenting me the way she said it.) And that is my past look, the one I like and feel safe with. Much better than the frumpy, overweight OLD me.
I want to say a big thankyou to you all. I believe you actually gave me the strength to be strong today. I cannot believe the things I put in this journal because I have always been such a private person. I did not feel alone today as I could feel you all and your good wishes. Thankyou.
Now unfortunately I have to go to work. (wearing my professional business suit of course)
Love to you all.
Posted by michelle ::
8:35 pm ::
10 comments
Post a Comment
---------------oOo---------------
|
