Friday, June 10, 2005
MY Mum
I haven't posted about what is going on with my mum because I don't want people to think I am looking for sympathy. Sometimes my life feels like a soap opera..one crisis after another. I am not feeling "poor me" just busy rushing through it all and trying to cope when it does get me down. My mother has always been dependent on me to care for her. She is a fragile soul who does not cope with life at all. Both a hypochondriac and now having some serious illnesses. (hence my aversion to going to Dr) Two years ago she married a man she barely knew. He is schizophrenic and bullys and at times abuses her. Last year I "rescued her " 3 times from him at her request. At the last time he tried to hit me and I even had to get my eldest son to come and help. Each time she went back to him. We had an argument over this..my first real time I have been mean to her. Since then I have reduced my contact with them, something I found very difficult to do. I was riddled with guilt but I simply could not take anymore of it and could not bare to be in a room with him. I still kept paying her bills and ringing her but only took her out twice in 6 months. Then 10 days ago she had a really bad fall, apparently the sixth in 2 months!!! She was unable to walk and I arranged for her to go into hospital. That hospital moved her to one that specialsies in geriatric care. She is covered in bruises and cannot get up to go to the toilet or shower. She also has a serious blood condition (for the past 8 years slowly getting worse) and over the last 2 days had to have 2 urgent blood transfusions. Last week the Dr told her she could not go home but would need to go to rehabilitaion. She refused and her husband and a friend who helps care for her said they could look after her. I was not there at the time. They then rang me that night to tell me there was no way they could care for her ( I understand this because I would not be able to either) but why didn't they tell her that instead of getting her hopes up. The next morning I had to rush from work to the hospital. She greeted me with; "Guess what I am going home onFriday." I had to tell her she was not and explain about rehab. She abused me and the discharge nurse and it was really sad. Then the nurse told me there is a long wait for rehab so she may have to go to respite. She said mum needed an assessment and may not be accepted at respite due to her high level of dependency. This will occur next week. When I told her the asessment would be next week on Thursday she again swore and carried on calling the nurses a pack of b******s. This made me angry because they have been really good to her and that is a very bad way to behave (copying her hubby). She weighs 120k and cannot lift herself at all. They have a lot to contend with.
Visits to her are a nightmare but I still go every day. It has made work hard because I have to rush out mid-morning and it is 40 min away. But, I still go every day because I know it is horrible for her. I leave there upset and swearing to myself and then have to go back to work with a positive attitude. I have 2 sisters and a brother. My sisters do not work but only one of them, my good friend, has been to see her once! There are always reasons why it is not convenient for them to visit. (yes I feel resentful)
So I have to cope with;
trying to find the time to visit her,
trying to get through the visits especially when he is there and I just want to hit him!
trying to make the right decisions with the medical staff,
trying to help find her a place to go that will be best for her,
trying not to worry about what the future has in store for her,
trying to cope with the worry of seeing my mum, who I really do love being in such a bad way.
trying to think of the best way to help her,
trying not to get mad with my siblings and so on and so on. Thank goodness I have started this blog because it has helped. In the past I would have just bottled this all up inside and told no one. That is how I have coped in the past.. of course then turned to food a comfort.
Thanks everyone for listening.
Posted by michelle ::
10:51 pm ::
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