feedmysoul

Saturday, November 11, 2006

FIRST I WAS AFRAID NOW I AM PETRIFIED!!

Ok at the last fun run one of the fliers they were giving out was for triathalons. Somewhere lurking in my mind for some time has been the desire to do this. I tried to talk my trainer or one of my training friends into trying but they wouldn't be in it. I jumped on the net and investigated and decided to have a go. There is a series of 4 mini triathalons, one a month starting tomorrow. I thought this was just the challenge I needed to get refocused and perhaps push my body the extra to lose some weight and get fitter. Of course being me there were some obstacles to overcome, being:

I cannot swim more than about 50 metres
I am afraid of swimming in the ocean unless I am wearing a vest and using a snorkle to distract me
I haven't ridden a bike for about 15 years except for 1 short attempt last year. But so what I thought, I can learn.
So out came my daughters old mountain bike and 4 weeks ago I started riding. I couldn't walk after each attempt but gradually increased the distance of my rides. Then the last few weeks things went downhill and I haven't been training at all. Last week I kept procrastinating and setting up for myself reasons why I shouldn't do it. When I went to see the specialist I went for a ride afterwards on the bike leg of the course. I told myself if the hills were not too bad and I could ride it without stopping I would enter. Well although I was very slow I managed it. Of course men riding expensive racing bikes whizzed past me so that was a sign of my riding ability but I did do it. I went to the bike shop and purchased a gel seat then got one of the boys at work to put it on for me. Then the hospital visit and Jills death and my motivation disappeared again. I had planned to go to the swimming pool last weekend and start training for the water leg but didn't bother with all that was happening.
So this week I have thought about it a lot. I want to do it so that I can see what it is like, master my fear and set a time to beat for the next one. I even timed my operation so it is after the next one! The Dr offered the day before but E would have been still at school and I would have been last on the surgeons list so coupled with the triathalon date I chose the following week.

I am motivated by the desire to do something I would never have even dreamed of before I turn 50 next year and by the desire that if, when I have the operation things are bad then I intend to fight it with every part of my body and soul. Sounds melodramatic but the fear of cancer is in my mind and I am determined that I will not give into it. So this is symbolic for me.

However this week I have lost sleep worrying about how I can possibly do this when I have not been training for it. On Thursday night at the spur of the moment I drove to the local pool determined to try to swim the distance. Well I couldn't even do half without stopping. I cannot believe how exhausting it is to swim especially when I have no technique. Tonight I went for another ride because P took pity on me and lent me her bike which is a better one. Thought I better make sure I coudl get on and off it. Well I fell off it and have grazed knees and bruised hands. Turns out when I got home and got Dh to check out the bike I had turned the wheel 360 and the brake cable was twisted. I AM AN IDIOT!! Cannot swim, have trouble riding a bike but I am doing a triathalon!

This afternoon I went over to register. Before I left I was alomost ill worrying about it. I went with much trepidition and picked up my race pack and checked out where the transition areas were. I met some other woman who are doing it for the first time but they are doing 1 leg each. Why didn't I think of that? And one of them is an ex state swimmer and another has been running and riding for years. (and they were scared) Although even if I had I am sure I would have still elected to do it all. These women are going to look out for me in the morning so it will be good to have a friendly face. All the men are working on country jobs and E hasn't been well. As it is exam time she needs to stay in bed not come out at 5.30 am to cheer me on.

But I am terrified of the swim leg. We have been advised that the serious competitors push and shove and even hit in the water!! I will be wearing my wetsuit which has a buoyancy vest as that is the only way I can be safe. I am sure I will look a dag as it is not a triathalon suit but it will stop me drowning. Although I know I can ride the distance and run the distance I know that may not be the case after the swim exhausts me.

My goal is simple- to finish the event, even if I am last! Afterall someone has to come last. (Actually I really don't want to come last so hope there is some little old lady even slower than me.)
Now I am too nervous to go to bed. Think of me in the morning and try not to laugh at the vision.....
Posted by michelle :: 3:35 am :: 10 comments

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------